SAEDNEWS: When your spouse is upset with you and refuses to speak, it can be very distressing and lead to frustration and dissatisfaction in life. Living in the same house while your spouse, due to your mistake, no longer communicates with you creates an overwhelming and stressful atmosphere.
According to SAEDNEWS, In married life, there are always moments when couples upset each other. Every couple experiences arguments and disagreements that may lead to temporary separation or a change in their communication dynamic. When your spouse is upset with you, you likely know what behavior or mistake of yours caused the issue. You might prefer to remain silent and let time heal the wounds, but research shows that directly addressing the issue is usually the best solution. Although it may initially lead to further discussions or tension, if you find the right time and setting for reconciliation, the process will not be difficult or painful.
To restore your relationship and return to a happy life, you need to reconcile. In this section, we provide practical tips to help you make up after an argument. Use these points to rebuild your connection and avoid aggressive confrontations.
If your mistake has hurt your spouse, try to understand their emotions. They are extremely upset with you. This is not the time to use humor to ease the situation—so don’t try it unnecessarily. Acknowledge their anger and pain, respect their feelings, and show empathy. The only thing your spouse expects in times of conflict is for you to recognize and validate their emotions. They need to feel that their pain is understood and acknowledged. Saying, "I understand what upset you and what I did wrong" can be very meaningful and help them lower their emotional defenses.
If you want to reconcile with your spouse, be mindful of your words and sentences. During conflicts, both of you become highly sensitive to each other’s statements. Use affectionate and loving words instead of negative or dismissive ones. Here are some phrases you should avoid:
“It’s not a big deal.”
What may seem small to you might be deeply hurtful to your spouse. Instead of questioning the importance of the issue, focus on comforting them.
“I can’t solve this problem; it’s your issue.”
Don’t act indifferent when your spouse is upset. Show willingness to find a solution, and if you made a mistake, acknowledge it and make amends.
“You’re not being logical.”
Just because your spouse has a different perspective does not mean they are irrational. Avoid invalidating their feelings.
Avoiding communication will not resolve conflicts or help in reconciliation. Instead, use thoughtful words to express your desire to make up.
If you have done something that hurt your spouse, the best approach is to take responsibility and express remorse. Let your partner see that you understand your mistake and regret it. Be genuine in your apology rather than making it seem like an act of pity.
If you have a logical explanation for your mistake, share it. However, avoid justifying your actions if there is no reasonable explanation. Excuses indicate a lack of responsibility and can further damage the relationship. Saying, "I shouldn’t have yelled at you, but I was stressed and angry" is just an excuse that diminishes the sincerity of your apology. Additionally, avoid blaming others for your mistake, as this only weakens your credibility.
Be honest in your apology and reconciliation efforts. Honesty is a crucial aspect of a successful marriage. Instead of simply saying, "Let’s make up," think about what you can do to improve the situation. If unsure, ask your spouse: "What can I do to make things right?" This makes them feel valued. Writing an apology letter can also be effective. Avoid insincere apologies, empty promises, or symbolic gestures, as they may worsen the situation.
If your spouse is upset and blames you for your actions, don’t react defensively. Though difficult, maintaining flexibility and avoiding aggressive responses can greatly help in reconciling with a proud or stubborn spouse. Try to see the situation from their perspective. Your openness to criticism may encourage your spouse to be more understanding as well.
Frequent arguments often indicate a failure to learn from past mistakes. Repeating the same issues can be harmful to your relationship. Identify patterns in your conflicts and work on preventing them in the future. A deeper understanding of your spouse can facilitate smoother reconciliations.
If your spouse has agreed to make up but still seems upset, address their underlying emotions. Merely reconciling isn’t enough; lingering issues should be resolved. Unresolved conflicts can lead to long-term resentment.
A key step in making up is restoring trust. Trust is fundamental in any marriage, and once broken, it takes time to rebuild. Be consistent, patient, and kind. Honor your commitments and avoid actions that could damage trust further.
If conflicts persist and significantly harm your relationship, consider seeking counseling. A professional therapist can help identify destructive patterns and guide you in effective communication and conflict resolution.
If you’re unsure how to make up with your spouse, here are some ideas:
When your spouse is upset, engaging in activities they enjoy—like watching their favorite movie, playing music they love, or sharing an entertaining game—can help lift their mood.
A reconciliation gift, no matter how small, can be very effective. Taking your spouse to a scenic place and expressing your desire to end the conflict can also be impactful. Even a single flower can bring back warmth and positivity.
Preparing your spouse’s favorite dish or taking them out to eat can be a great way to show that you care and prioritize them.
If your spouse refuses to communicate with you, a trusted friend or family member can act as a mediator. However, be cautious and keep the issue private.
Even during conflicts, avoid sleeping separately. Physical closeness can help ease tensions and strengthen emotional bonds.
You can accompany a gift with a heartfelt message or write a letter expressing your regret. Here are some examples:
"I want to reconcile with my love. Please forgive me."
"I know I made a mistake. I should have thought before acting. Please make up with me."
"There’s no excuse for what I did. I regret my actions and promise to make things right. Please don’t be upset with me."
Final Words from Counselors
Disagreements and reconciliations are inevitable in marriage. Every couple has experienced conflict at some point. However, allowing small disputes to turn into deep resentment can be detrimental. The key is to apologize early and work towards reconciliation before conflicts escalate. Don’t let minor issues disrupt the happiness of your marriage.
