SAEDNEWS: Aggression, as a form of moral harm in society and within the family, is on the rise. Understanding the causes of anger and learning effective ways to manage it can help prevent its harmful consequences.
According to Saednews, Unfortunately, aggression, as a form of moral and behavioral harm, is widespread in society and within families today. Therefore, understanding its causes and learning effective ways to manage it can be highly beneficial. If aggression is not controlled, it can have harmful consequences. Before discussing its causes and management, however, it is important to understand exactly what aggression means.
Some define aggression as behavior that harms others or has the potential to cause harm. Aggression may be physical, such as kicking and biting, or verbal, such as shouting and deliberately hurting someone with words. Another definition describes aggression as behavior expressed with the intention of hurting a person or damaging something.
Aggression should be distinguished from assertiveness. Assertiveness involves defending one's rights or possessions—for example, a child preventing someone from taking their toy—or expressing one's wishes and desires appropriately.
Aggression can be directed toward objects, animals, other people, oneself, or even property belonging to the public, such as deliberately damaging a bus seat with a knife. Verbal aggression tends to increase with age, at least during the preschool years. Children who are aggressive in their early years are more likely to remain aggressive during adolescence and adulthood, while children who are not aggressive are more likely to maintain non-aggressive behavior later in life.
Boys generally display more aggression than girls, including both physical and verbal aggression. Girls are often socially encouraged to demonstrate gentleness and sensitivity rather than violence. As a result, during the later years of childhood, boys tend to be considerably more violent and confrontational than girls. Physical attacks, fighting, aggression, destruction, and bold or defiant behavior are observed much more frequently among boys.
As boys grow older, the difference between their aggressive behavior and that of girls tends to become more pronounced. Girls may be less likely to openly express anger because they fear losing their social position or popularity. They may believe that expressing their true feelings could upset their mothers or close friends and cause them to be rejected. Therefore, greater sensitivity should be shown toward anger in girls, and they should be prepared to face and manage their anger constructively.
Imam Muhammad al-Ghazali, in The Alchemy of Happiness, states that the origin of anger is fire, whose effect reaches the heart, and relates fire to Satan, referring to the Qur'anic statement: “You created me from fire and created him from clay” (Qur'an 7:12). Fire is characterized by movement and restlessness, whereas clay and earth represent stillness and calm. According to this view, when anger dominates a person, that person's behavior becomes more similar to Satan's than to Adam's.
Recognizing the causes of anger and understanding that Satan may contribute to its development and intensification can help a person avoid inappropriate reactions that demonstrate weakness in the face of temptation.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) is reported to have said: “Anger is a spark from Satan.”
It is narrated that one day Satan appeared to Abdullah ibn Hanzalah and said, “I want to teach you something.” Abdullah replied that he had no need to learn anything from him. Satan then said, “Pay attention. If what I say is beneficial, accept it; otherwise, reject it.” He continued: “O son of Hanzalah, do not ask or depend on anyone other than God, and when you become angry, pay attention to where your anger is taking you.”
Use your creativity to find constructive ways of dealing with anger. When you become angry, acknowledge that you are angry and decide what you can do about it. Use an assertive approach.
Anger itself does not force us to behave in a particular way. We become angry and then choose whether to respond in a socially acceptable or socially unacceptable manner. Anger should never be used as an excuse for aggressive behavior, because doing so is simply a way of avoiding responsibility for our actions.
Determine whether the situation is genuinely worth becoming upset about. People may become angry when they expect everything to happen according to their wishes, expect everyone to treat them well, or believe that they should never experience frustration.
A useful coping strategy is to identify these unrealistic expectations and replace them with more realistic ones. For example:
“The world is not supposed to operate according to all my wishes and expectations. Therefore, I need to learn effective ways of dealing with frustration.”
There is truth in the advice to count to ten before responding when you are angry. This creates enough time to use problem-solving skills and choose the best response.
Slow, deep breathing can also help calm the body and mind within a short period.
Shouting and losing control are choices, not unavoidable consequences of anger. Mentally rehearse how you would like to respond in an anger-provoking situation. Repeatedly imagine a frustrating or unfair situation and rate your anger on a scale from 0 to 100. Continue the exercise until your anger falls below approximately 30.
Before facing situations that may trigger anger, remind yourself:
“This situation may upset me, but I know how to handle it. I can use my coping skills to remain in control. I do not need to take it too seriously; this can be a useful learning experience. I will breathe deeply, remain calm, and use my reasoning.”
Do not allow another person's anger to control your own behavior. Practice self-restraint.
When you are angry, releasing excess energy through physical or creative activities can be effective. Once your mind has become calmer, you can address the problem that caused the anger.
Two stages are particularly useful:
Release physical and emotional tension.
Address and solve the underlying problem.
Both stages should be used together.
Instead of focusing on whether anger is inherently good or bad, concentrate on taking care of yourself and meeting your needs without harming others.
Think of yourself as someone capable of coping effectively—someone who knows how to communicate with others, defend personal rights, and behave assertively.
Passivity means being fearful, hesitant, regretful, or overly submissive. It can involve disregarding your own needs and accepting other people's demands even when doing so harms you.
Some people believe that being polite or helpful requires them to give in to everyone else's wishes. At times, people also confuse assertiveness with arrogance or aggression.
You should learn to tolerate the criticism or disapproval that may result from respectfully refusing unreasonable requests.
Aggressive people often attempt to satisfy their needs through domination, insults, humiliation, or intimidation. They focus primarily on themselves.
In the long term, aggression can alienate us from others and cause us to become suspicious, hostile, and isolated.
Assertiveness means defending your rights and expressing your thoughts and feelings in a direct, honest, and appropriate manner.
Assertive people communicate thoughtfully with others without allowing themselves to be exploited. Assertiveness can strengthen a person's sense of self-efficacy and internal control while increasing self-confidence and self-esteem. It is also one of the most effective ways of developing satisfying interpersonal relationships.
Communicating how other people's actions make you feel can strengthen self-respect and encourage others to respect you as well.
Empathy is an important skill for developing close and healthy relationships. You can disagree with someone's request while still showing that you understand and respect their feelings.
When you empathize with others, you are more likely to respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively. If others pressure you into doing something you do not want to do, remain firm and respond in a way that earns their respect.
Compromise requires understanding the needs of others. You do not necessarily have to agree or disagree completely with another person's wishes; instead, you should demonstrate that you understand what they want.
For both sides to achieve their goals, each person may need to give up part of what they initially wanted.
If strong emotions arise during a negotiation, recognize and accept them while making an effort to remain calm. Avoid rigid and absolute demands, and use empathy to create a more cooperative atmosphere.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting another person's mistake. When someone forgives a person who has disrespected them, they free themselves from continuing anger and can return their attention to everyday life.
Forgiveness can be viewed as a position of strength and confidence. By choosing to move beyond another person's mistake, a person can strengthen their sense of self-efficacy and their feeling of control in difficult situations.
Avoiding close association with angry and aggressive people and spending time with patient and tolerant individuals can have a positive social and moral influence.
Experience suggests that spending time with angry and aggressive people can cause us to imitate their words, attitudes, and behavior. Conversely, friendship and conversation with patient and calm individuals can help angry people become calmer and more balanced.
A narration states:
“Whenever you become angry with one of your religious brothers three times, and he remains patient and does not behave disrespectfully toward you, choose him as your friend.”
Suppressing and controlling anger is easier when it first begins. Once anger becomes intense, it can become much more difficult to control. Therefore, it is important to confront anger before it becomes overwhelming and causes reason and faith to be overshadowed.
The following approaches can help control anger before it becomes severe:
When angry, remember God and seek refuge in Him from Satan.
If you are standing when anger arises, sit down; if you are sitting, lie down. This can serve as a reminder of human humility and our origin from the earth.
When confronted with anger, perform ablution with cool water or take a cool bath. Traditionally, this is understood as helping to reduce the internal heat associated with anger.
Remain silent, because anger can lead a person to say things they later regret. Imam Ali is reported to have said: “Treat anger with silence and desire with reason.”
Change your physical surroundings when possible. Moving away from the situation can help reduce emotional intensity.
When someone is extremely angry, advice and reasoning may have little effect. If intervention is necessary, assistance may need to come from someone whom the angry person respects and who has influence over them.
Given the harmful consequences of uncontrolled anger and the difficulty of resisting it once it becomes intense, another important approach is strengthening natural human compassion and higher moral qualities. These qualities can reduce the impact of frustration and aggressive impulses.
Through educational, religious, moral, and conscience-based training, these virtues can gradually become established habits. They can protect both individuals and society from the harmful consequences of uncontrolled anger.
Forgiveness, patience, and restraining one's anger are therefore among the important values emphasized in Islamic ethics as constructive ways of dealing with anger.
