SAEDNEWS: This article explores why married individuals may turn to masturbation, how it can impact intimacy, and actionable strategies to break the habit and strengthen your marital bond. Identify the root of the issue and start the solution today.
According to the Sexual and Marital Knowledge Service of SaedNews, confronting the reality that your spouse masturbates despite being in a committed relationship can stir a whirlwind of conflicting emotions—ranging from confusion and anxiety to feelings of inadequacy and rejection. The question “Why?” may dominate your thoughts, potentially shaking the foundations of trust and intimacy in your marriage.
However, it’s important to understand that a spouse’s masturbation is not necessarily a sign of a deep problem in your relationship or a flaw in you. This behavior is more common among married individuals than often assumed and can stem from a range of psychological, physiological, and relational factors. This article explores the main reasons married people masturbate and offers strategies for understanding and managing this phenomenon while preserving and enhancing your sexual and emotional health as a couple.
While some may view masturbation as a personal matter, within marriage it inevitably affects the other partner. Persisting in this behavior instead of engaging in shared sexual intimacy can divert couples from mutual closeness and unity, leading to consequences that aren’t about judgment but about protecting the marital bond:
Reduced emotional and sexual intimacy: Masturbation can become a personal escape for sexual satisfaction, reducing the need for deep connection and physical contact with one’s spouse. Over time, this can emotionally and physically distance partners.
Feelings of inadequacy in the partner: The spouse of someone who masturbates may feel inadequate, asking themselves, “Am I not attractive enough?” or “Am I failing sexually?” Such doubts can erode self-esteem.
Avoiding underlying issues: Often, masturbation signals, rather than causes, a deeper problem. It may serve as a coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, sexual dissatisfaction, or unresolved relational issues. Relying on it can delay addressing these root causes.
Addiction and sexual performance impact: Frequent reliance on masturbation, particularly involving pornography, can lead to dependency and unrealistic sexual fantasies. This may make arousal or orgasm with a real partner more difficult, diminishing the quality of shared sexual experiences.
Understanding the reasons behind this behavior is essential:
Habit from single life: Individuals accustomed to masturbating before marriage may find it difficult to break the habit. It can serve as a stress-relief mechanism.
Sexual dissatisfaction: One of the most common reasons is insufficient sexual fulfillment with a partner. Differences in libido, unfamiliarity with each other’s erogenous zones, premature ejaculation, or difficulty achieving orgasm can lead a person to masturbation.
Stress, anxiety, and mental health struggles: Work pressures, financial concerns, and daily conflicts can elevate stress. For some, masturbation offers a quick, accessible way to relieve tension and gain temporary comfort.
Communication and emotional issues: When emotional intimacy fades and couples avoid addressing conflicts through dialogue, sexual dissatisfaction can manifest alone. A partner may prefer solitary sexual release rather than attempting connection with a distant spouse.
Addressing this challenge requires patience, insight, and a constructive approach. Blame and arguments only worsen the situation. Consider the following steps:
Honest, non-judgmental conversation
Create a safe space for discussion when both partners are calm. Use “I” statements rather than accusatory language. For example: “I recently noticed something that concerns me, and I’d like to share my feelings with you.” Focus on understanding rather than condemning.
Identify the underlying cause together
With empathy, explore the root of the behavior. Is it stress, dissatisfaction with sexual intimacy, or unmet needs? Asking thoughtful questions and listening actively can uncover the reasons behind a spouse’s masturbation.
Focus on enhancing sexual and emotional connection
Instead of only trying to eliminate masturbation, invest energy in improving marital intimacy. Spend time on shared sexual experiences, discuss fantasies and desires, extend foreplay, and explore new techniques. Simultaneously, nurture emotional closeness outside the bedroom through quality time, affection, and support.
Seek professional guidance
Some issues may be too complex for couples to solve alone. Consulting a sex therapist or family counselor can provide a neutral, expert space to address problems. A professional can help correct communication patterns and offer practical strategies to manage masturbation and strengthen the marital bond.
Recognizing that a spouse’s masturbation is a complex behavior with multiple causes is key to addressing it effectively. Often, it is not a threat but a signal that can open the door to conversations about needs, stress, and sexual health. Rather than turning this issue into a crisis, use it as an opportunity to increase awareness, strengthen emotional connection, and deepen intimacy. If discussions stall or the behavior seems addictive, professional counseling or sex therapy can provide effective guidance.
