"Grand sources of emulation, in response to the questions of young people, have provided rulings on the relationships and friendships between boys and girls, as well as the religious ruling on falling in love."
Rulings on Falling in Love
Human love is categorized into three types: either it is real or imaginary; and imaginary love (earthly love) can be either mental or animalistic.
Real love is the love for God and His attributes and actions.
Mental love originates from the similarity and resemblance between the soul of the lover and the soul of the beloved, along with admiration and praise for the beautiful traits of the beloved, because all these are considered manifestations of the beloved’s soul.
Animalistic love originates from physical desire and the craving for animalistic pleasure, involving admiration for the physical appearance, color, and shape of the beloved’s purely material body. This is driven by the base instincts of the soul and is often associated with vice, sin, impurity, and excess in animalistic desires.
Fatwas of Ayatollah Makarem Shirazi Regarding the Ruling on Falling in Love
1. Maintaining Modesty and How to Overcome Feelings of Attraction to Non-Mahram
Question: What is the difference between modesty and shyness when interacting with non-mahrams?
Answer: Modesty is when one controls themselves in the face of sin and withdraws. The feeling of attraction can be forgotten by engaging in academic or historical activities or tasks like sewing or working with a computer.
2. Relationships Between Boys and Girls Through the Internet
Question 1: Is it permissible for boys and girls to communicate through chat?
Answer: It is not permissible.
Question 2: Please explain the rules regarding relationships between boys and girls in any situation.
Answer: In public gatherings, classrooms, or similar settings, ordinary conversations are not problematic. However, beyond this, it is only permissible if they truly intend to prepare for marriage.
3. Telephone Communication Between a Girl and a Non-Mahram Boy
Question: What is the ruling if a girl communicates with a non-mahram boy over the phone because of strong feelings of attraction, with the intention to guide him?
Answer: It is not permissible.
4. Friendship Between Boys and Girls
Question: Unfortunately, friendships between boys and girls are widely accepted in our society, and many parents see it as inappropriate. As a young man, I have witnessed many of these relationships. If a boy and girl respect boundaries, maintain their relationship privately, and plan to marry, is this permissible?
Answer: Repeated experiences have shown that relationships between boys and girls are traps of Satan and lead to religious violations. Therefore, they can only contact each other if they truly intend to marry and only to the extent necessary for mutual understanding.
5. Loving or Falling in Love After Marriage
Question: What is the ruling on falling in love with someone after marriage, whether they are married or single?
Answer: One should avoid such matters, as they are traps of Satan.
Other Related Fatwas from Religious Authorities
Question: Is physical contact (shaking hands) with non-Muslim women prohibited?
Answer: Physical contact and shaking hands with a non-mahram woman is prohibited, even if she is from the People of the Book. However, there is no issue with a Muslim man shaking hands with another man, even if he is from the People of the Book.
Question: I am engaged to a girl, and both families are aware. Is it permissible to send messages or emails to each other? What are the limits of our relationship? (Marriage is not possible at this time.)
Answer: It is important to avoid sharing anything that may arouse sexual desires or anything that is appropriate for a married couple.
Question: What are the boundaries for interactions between men and women in public?
Answer: It is obligatory for every Muslim man and woman to adhere strictly to Islamic regulations in their interactions with the opposite sex, avoiding any actions that could lead to temptation or corruption.
Sistani's Rulings on the Issue of Falling in Love
Question: Is it prohibited to fall in love with a girl?
Answer: Involuntary matters do not carry rulings, even though the steps leading up to it may be voluntary. If it is forbidden, it should be avoided, but any sexual behavior before a valid marriage contract is prohibited.
Question: Is it permissible to have a relationship with a non-mahram girl without physical contact?
Answer: Any relationship between non-mahrams without a marriage contract leads to sin and is not permissible.
Question: What restrictions does Islam place on a boy's relationship with a girl?
Answer: Since there is a fear of falling into sin, such relationships are not permissible.
Question: Is it permissible to have a relationship with a girl without any intentions or guarantees of marriage?
Answer: It is not permissible. One should focus on preparing for marriage.
Question: Does every kind of relationship (friendship) between a boy and a girl pose a religious problem, even if both parties avoid prohibited actions and the relationship is not driven by lust? When is it permissible?
Answer: If there is a fear that one might fall into sin, it is not permissible.
