SAEDNEWS:As children grow, they usually gain control over their emotions—but some still cry unexpectedly, even surprising themselves. Let’s explore why this happens and how to respond.
According to the Family Magazine Service of SaedNews, clinical child psychologist Cheryl Rode explains: “Crying is a natural and healthy behavior rooted in both biological and social foundations. This response can relieve stress and emotional energy, and it also serves as a communication tool to share feelings or seek comfort.” She notes that crying is usually a reaction to strong emotions and adds: “The mechanisms that trigger crying are linked to the limbic system—the part of the brain responsible for regulating emotions. Childhood is a period for learning emotional control and regulation.”
Elementary-aged children vary widely in their ability to regulate emotions. Teenagers may also experience crying spells due to hormonal changes during puberty. Some children cry more because of heightened sensitivity or empathy, while others cry frequently because they experience emotions more intensely or struggle to control them. It’s also important to recognize that severe crying in some children may stem from depression or anxiety.
Identifying the cause of a child’s crying benefits both the child and the parents. According to Tim Elmore, author of iY Generation: Secrets for Connecting with Today’s Teens and Young Adults in the Digital Age, the main reasons children cry include frustration, fear, selfishness, and feelings of inadequacy.
But what should you do when your child cries unexpectedly? The solution is not to completely forbid your child from crying, as suppressing emotional release can have physical and psychological consequences. Instead, teach your child when it’s okay to cry and when it’s better to manage their emotions.
Here are strategies to help a child who cries frequently:
1. Model healthy emotional responses
Adults can serve as role models for how to handle emotional outbursts like crying. When a child sees you managing your tears, they learn how to cope with their own.
2. Show that crying is a natural part of being human
Elmore notes: “Many children are harmed by thoughtless remarks from adults, like ‘Big boys don’t cry’ or ‘Crying is never appropriate.’” Instead, teach your child that crying is a natural response to pain, sadness, frustration, fear, deprivation, anger, and even occasional happiness or joy.
3. Discuss emotional control during calm moments
Rode recommends using stories from books or movies to illustrate emotional regulation rather than discussing emotions only during a crisis. Highlight moments when characters faced challenges or overcame strong emotions, and link those examples to your child’s experiences.
4. Remind your child that intense emotions are temporary
Children and teenagers may not realize that strong emotions are fleeting. Elmore says: “Repeated reminders that emotions flare up and subside quickly won’t solve problems instantly, but over time the child will learn that tears and sighs pass and are not permanent.”
5. Avoid bribing your child to stop crying
Parents and teachers sometimes offer rewards to silence a child’s tears, but this reinforces the behavior. Rode advises: “It’s hard not to rush to rescue, but the more you give undue attention to crying, the more the child learns to use it as a tool.”
For example, if your child usually cries out of inner distress, inform their teacher so the child isn’t interrupted the moment tears start. This helps the child develop coping skills while preventing prolonged crying.
6. Provide a safe space for crying
Being around others can intensify a child’s struggle. Elmore suggests creating a quiet, secure space where your child can release emotions safely.
7. Teach coping skills
Strategies for regulating emotions include deep breathing, repeating positive affirmations like “I can do this,” taking short breaks from activities, and asking for help. If a child struggles to stop crying at school, encourage them to put their head on the desk and count to ten with the teacher’s permission, helping them regain control.
8. Help your child find solutions
The most effective way to reduce unexpected crying is to teach your child to manage situations that trigger it. Rode explains: “Instead of focusing on the crying itself, encourage your child to discuss coping strategies for every situation that causes tears.” Have the child identify each trigger and brainstorm solutions together. The key is to guide the child toward finding their own solutions rather than imposing them, as self-discovered solutions are far more effective.
