These Traits Reveal You Might Be a ‘Covert Narcissist’!

According to the Psychology Service of Saed News, narcissism seems to have reached the scale of a widespread epidemic—so much so that even elementary school children are labeling each other as “narcissists.” Among adults, however, the term is typically applied to ex-spouses, bosses, or other family members.

We tend to assume that everyone knows at least one narcissist in their life. But is spotting narcissism always that straightforward? For example, does everyone instantly recognize a narcissist when they enter a room?

Narcissism is far more common than previously thought. Estimates suggest that full-blown, clinical narcissistic personality disorder affects roughly one in every twenty people. So, it’s not far-fetched to say that you probably know someone with this condition—or perhaps, one of them is in the same room as you right now.

Narcissists tend to feel superior and entitled compared to others. They show little empathy, require constant admiration, and frequently feel insulted or undervalued.

That one-in-twenty estimate is just that—an estimate. Clare Hart, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Southampton, notes, “The actual number is likely higher.” Why? Because individuals who believe they are superior are unlikely to admit their problem or seek help, meaning many cases go undiagnosed.

Another factor complicates estimates: psychologists have identified a less obvious type known as the vulnerable narcissist, which is much harder to detect than the more apparent “grandiose” narcissist.

Warning Signs of Narcissism

Those who score high on tests of grandiose narcissism are the types you’d expect: boastful, arrogant, attention-seeking, socially skilled, extroverted, and often mentally resilient.

Vulnerable narcissists, by contrast, experience insecurity and defensiveness, constantly protecting their fragile sense of superiority. They are more prone to anxiety and depression and less able to handle criticism.

A recent study of 676 American adults found that both grandiose and vulnerable narcissists are motivated by social status. Unlike grandiose narcissists, vulnerable narcissists often feel they have not received the recognition they deserve. Consequently, they may withdraw from competition, increasing stress and feelings of shame.

In social groups, vulnerable narcissists often feel excluded, whereas grandiose narcissists generally do not care much about group dynamics. Both types, however, harbor a sense of superiority and entitlement, spending considerable time fantasizing about success, beauty, or power. Vulnerable narcissists may express these fantasies less openly, and when their self-image is threatened, they often respond with passive-aggressive behavior rather than direct confrontation.

Vulnerable Narcissists in the Workplace

In professional settings, a vulnerable narcissist might outwardly praise a colleague while subtly undermining them behind the scenes. They may withhold critical information, sabotage opportunities, or exaggerate their own contributions to appear indispensable.

High levels of narcissism often correlate with bullying, aggression, and direct or indirect hostility, though vulnerable narcissists may display these behaviors for different reasons—often stemming from insecurity.

In romantic relationships, grandiose narcissists continually seek superior partners, fueling infidelity. Vulnerable narcissists, however, are clingier and needier, yet can still exert subtle control. Maintaining a long-term relationship with a vulnerable narcissist can be particularly challenging, as their insecurities may provoke exaggerated reactions to perceived slights.

Empathy and Narcissism

Contrary to popular belief, narcissists are capable of empathy—they often choose not to exercise it. Studies indicate that narcissistic individuals may physiologically respond to others’ distress, but they selectively inhibit their empathic responses to serve their own self-interest.

Nature vs. Nurture

Why are so many people narcissistic? Genetics may play a role, but upbringing and life experiences appear to be more influential. Children excessively praised for exceptional abilities or who receive inconsistent feedback from parents are more likely to develop narcissistic traits—grandiose in boys, vulnerable in girls. Vulnerable narcissism is less studied and sometimes misdiagnosed as borderline personality disorder in women.

Dealing with Narcissists

Narcissism is fundamentally a personality trait, making it difficult to treat. While personality can shift over time, these changes are gradual, and interventions may be limited. Rather than attempting to “cure” narcissism, strategies focus on enhancing empathy and motivating narcissists to apply it, framing perspective-taking as beneficial for leadership, social influence, or professional success.

Before scrutinizing others for narcissism, consider your own behavior. If self-reflection feels uncomfortable or shame-inducing, it may be a sign that you harbor hidden narcissistic tendencies yourself.

Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, with traits that can strengthen or weaken depending on circumstances. Unlike clinical disorders, narcissistic traits are common and appear to be increasing worldwide. For example, a meta-analysis of U.S. college students from 1985 to 2006 showed a significant rise in narcissism, except in California, where cultural factors may explain differences.

A widely used measure, the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, assesses 40 forced-choice items, with higher scores indicating stronger narcissistic traits. Common misconceptions abound, with people often labeling anyone who behaves selfishly or harmfully as a narcissist, even though the reality is more nuanced.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists can be empathetic, but they may choose to suppress this ability. By fostering motivation to engage their empathic skills, it’s possible to encourage more considerate behavior, whether at home or in the workplace. Recognizing narcissism in others—and in ourselves—requires awareness, patience, and a careful look at both behavior and context.