Saed News: If you feel that your children are unable to manage their personal tasks, lack independence, do not have enough self-confidence, and you see them as clumsy or helpless, they might need more guidance and support. Developing independence in children requires opportunities where they can learn life skills through practice.
According to Saed News, many parents, despite their best efforts to teach various skills to their children, still complain about their children's dependency and clumsiness. They believe that other parents who don't do certain things for their children have more capable and independent kids. While part of this can be due to inherent abilities and genetics, a significant portion is acquired, and often, overly attentive parenting can lead to children being unable to perform everyday tasks. Psychologists often recommend parents to aim for being "good enough" parents rather than "perfect" ones. In this report, we explain why your child may lack essential skills and what steps you should take to address this situation.
Don’t be an impatient parent
Impatient parents often face more challenges with their children than others. These parents, besides causing stress and frustration for their children, inadvertently take over many of their child’s tasks, further increasing their dependence. Raha Mahabadi, a child development coach, explains: “Many behaviors and habits in our children stem from how we parent them. For example, impatience leads to various consequences. A good parent should know that their child cannot keep up physically and mentally, so they should not pressure them or do tasks for them. This hampers the child's skill development. We recommend that parents avoid leaving tasks until the last minute. For example, if you plan to go out, give your child their clothes 30 minutes in advance and allow them to get dressed and put on their shoes by themselves. Or, for a child who cannot eat independently, allow extra time and let them learn to eat without help."
Stop being controlling and perfectionistic
While it is important for parents to be attentive to their children's actions and behaviors, excessive control and perfectionism can harm children. Mahabadi says: “When parents overcontrol everything their child does—such as playing, doing homework, eating, dressing, etc.—and intervene to ensure perfection, it either leads to stubbornness or discourages the child from doing tasks on their own. This robs them of their independence and turns them into dependent, incapable children."
Don’t make decisions for your child
It's natural to want the best for your child—whether it's the best clothes, food, etc.—but this doesn’t mean you should always impose your choices and not give them a say. This restricts their decision-making skills and can lead to challenges with confidence and independence later in life. The child expert explains: "It is through making decisions that people shape their future, but some parents make decisions for their children so much that by the time they are older, the children cannot make their own decisions or doubt themselves, leading to poor outcomes. Parents should smartly create opportunities for children to make decisions, such as offering multiple food or clothing options and allowing them to choose. This builds confidence and decision-making skills."
Don’t be your child’s hands and feet
If you don’t want to raise a lazy and helpless child, avoid doing everything for them. Mahabadi advises: “For example, when you bring your child food or drink, place it a little farther away so they have to reach for it. This teaches them that they are responsible for certain tasks, and not everything is handed to them. They also learn practical skills, like eating on their own. If your child needs to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, don't carry them there. Support them and guide them to walk on their own to the bathroom so they can gain independence.”
Stop excessive support
Some parents become so protective that their children never learn to face problems on their own. It’s important for parents to step back sometimes and allow their children to face challenges. Mahabadi says: “If parents always intervene in every minor conflict between children, the child won't learn how to communicate and solve problems. They also won’t be able to defend themselves or handle problems without their parents. Instead of constant support, parents should use stories and role-playing to teach their children how to deal with challenges and solve problems."
Don’t rush to pick up a child who falls!
Many parents rush to pick up their child immediately when they fall, even if the child isn’t injured. While this is an instinctual response, it isn’t always the best approach. Mahabadi suggests: “If the child hasn’t been hurt seriously, parents should calmly approach, empathize, and encourage them to stand up on their own. This teaches the child to stand on their own feet and become strong. This approach should also apply when a child faces failure. Parents should empathize but allow their child to confront and accept the failure on their own.”
You might think that these behaviors will take you away from being a "perfect" parent, and you may even be criticized for it. However, as we said at the beginning, in order to raise independent and capable children, parents need to be good enough, not perfect.
