SAEDNEWS: In this article, we explore psychologists’ recommendations on how to respond appropriately to a stubborn child and how to nurture a child who grows into a reasonable, thoughtful individual.
According to the Family Magazine Service of Saed News Analytical Portal, many parents describe their children with phrases like: “The answer to everything is no.” “Nothing works with them.” “They don’t listen at all.” “Whatever I say, they do the exact opposite.”
Parents of stubborn children often use these expressions to explain their child’s behavior. Unintentionally, they may have reinforced stubborn tendencies and now feel exhausted and frustrated.
In this article, we first introduce the signs of stubbornness so you can distinguish it from determination. One of the most common questions parents ask is: How should we deal with a stubborn child? Psychologists offer practical advice on responding effectively to stubborn behavior. By following these strategies, you can improve your child’s behavior and reduce stubbornness—while raising a more logical and emotionally balanced child.
Before answering the question, How should we deal with a stubborn child? it’s important to understand their behavioral traits. In many cases, stubbornness is confused with determination—yet the two are very different.
Determination is a positive personality trait. A determined child persists in pursuing constructive goals and overcomes obstacles with resilience. Research shows that firm yet rational parents often raise determined children who achieve their goals with confidence and perseverance.
Stubbornness, however, may look similar but is driven by illogical goals and often produces negative consequences. A stubborn child insists on both reasonable and unreasonable demands, sometimes with the unconscious aim of provoking others. Daily routines—such as choosing clothes or food—can easily turn into arguments.
If your child shows the following signs, stubbornness may be the issue:
A strong need for attention and an intense desire to be heard
A deep urge to assert independence, sometimes through aggressive behavior
Excessive irritability compared to peers
Responsible and focused behavior only when engaged in preferred activities
A love of being in control or taking charge
Ignoring common rules and setting their own pace based on personal preferences
Once you recognize the signs, the next step is learning how to respond constructively. Stubborn behavior can gradually disrupt both the child’s life and family harmony.
Imagine putting your tired child to bed. Despite feeling sleepy and needing rest, they get up repeatedly just to resist sleeping. Or picture a shopping trip where your child cries and stomps because you refuse to buy a specific toy. How should you react in these moments?
Here are psychologist-recommended approaches:
Sooner or later, parents must acknowledge that aggressive and stubborn behaviors often reflect unmet emotional needs. Feeling heard is one of the most fundamental needs of young children.
If a child feels ignored, they may become defensive and stop listening in return. Parenting is a two-way relationship. Create healthy opportunities for open conversation. Listen carefully and attentively. Afterward, gently ask why they resist or disagree.
No one enjoys being ordered around—children included. Humans naturally resist commands.
For example, imagine your child begs for a remote-control car at the store. You refuse and firmly order them to put it back. If your tone feels authoritarian, the stubborn behavior may escalate.
Psychologists recommend maintaining firm boundaries while nurturing a warm, affectionate relationship. When trust and emotional security exist, you can calmly explain why you are denying a request. A child who feels loved and respected is more likely to respond logically rather than defiantly.
Some parents make even the simplest decisions without consulting their child, assuming children lack understanding. In reality, children often comprehend far more than adults expect.
If a child feels underestimated, stubborn behavior may intensify. Involve your child in decisions whenever appropriate—choosing school supplies, clothing, meals, or toys. Offering reasonable choices reduces resistance and promotes cooperation.
“Before judging someone, walk a mile in their shoes.” This principle applies strongly to parenting.
Children rarely act stubbornly without reason. Try viewing the situation from their perspective. For instance, giving a young child a complex 1,000-piece puzzle may overwhelm them. When they give up and resist continuing, it may reflect frustration rather than defiance.
Understanding your child’s developmental level and personality helps you respond with empathy instead of anger.
Over time, frustrated parents may focus solely on negative behaviors and overlook positive traits. This often escalates conflict, turning both parent and child into argumentative opponents.
Instead, consciously identify and reinforce your child’s positive behaviors. Praise cooperation, responsibility, and kindness. When children feel valued, the underlying need driving stubbornness often diminishes.
Around age three, many children naturally become less interested in food. They may reject certain meals or criticize the menu. For stubborn children, mealtime can become an opportunity to assert independence.
Make mealtime positive and engaging. Offer attention and warmth. You might include a favorite toy at the table or allow your child to choose between healthy options. Using desserts or fruit as a reward for finishing meals can also encourage cooperation—when done in moderation.
Some parents believe stubborn children should never be disciplined. This is a misconception. Teaching structure and accountability is essential for all children.
Discipline does not mean shaming or inducing guilt. In modern parenting approaches, the goal is to help children understand the consequences of their actions.
Stubborn children need to learn the outcomes of both good and bad behavior. Age-appropriate consequences are especially important in early childhood. Temporary privilege removal—such as reducing screen time—or quiet reflection time in a designated area can be effective. Small household responsibilities can also teach accountability.
Stubbornness and determination are not the same.
Stubborn children often crave attention, control, and independence.
Build a warm, two-way relationship based on listening and respect.
Involve your child in appropriate decisions.
Practice empathy by seeing situations from your child’s perspective.
Reinforce positive behaviors consistently.
Create a pleasant, engaging environment at mealtimes.
Use constructive, age-appropriate discipline strategies.
By applying these approaches with patience and consistency, you can guide your child toward healthier behavior patterns—while strengthening your relationship along the way.
