Saed News: Why do preschool and kindergarten-aged children use inappropriate and offensive words? How can we teach them not to use such words? In this article, you will learn about the reasons why a five-year-old child swears and the strategies to address it.
Your child may sometimes shout an unpleasant or offensive word out of frustration or anger because, like many of us, they struggle to find the right words to express their feelings. Maybe their best friend has recently expanded their vocabulary and thought it would be fun to share a few choice words, which your child is now enthusiastically repeating at home. Since they have only recently mastered toilet training, words related to bodily functions may still amuse them, so they repeat them and laugh.
In most cases, what you are witnessing is an experimental phase: "This is something I heard that people say with intensity or disgust. Let me see what happens when I say it!" Regardless of where they learned the words, it’s never too early to teach them that using such language is unacceptable.
How can we teach children not to use offensive and inappropriate words? The following guidelines will help you stop your child from swearing:
When your child swears or refers to bodily functions in an inappropriate way, resist the urge to laugh; otherwise, they will take your reaction as encouragement to repeat it. When you’re little, having the power to make adults laugh, or even better, to upset or anger them, is an incredible feeling. Even if your child’s newly invented words are amusing, showing that you find them entertaining is not in their best interest—or yours.
If your child is simply testing out a new word, you can encourage them to replace it with another fun word like "Abracadabra!" or "Yoohoo!" You can also suggest a funny substitute that sounds similar to the inappropriate word. If the problem is that they lack appropriate words to express anger or frustration, encourage them to say things like "I’m angry" or "I’m frustrated!" Some parents even invent silly words at home to serve as acceptable replacements.
If your preschooler has picked up serious swear words, you need to establish clear rules. The key is to remain calm and not react with anger or frustration, as that will only reinforce the behavior. If the offensive word is a made-up one, simply tell them it doesn’t exist and that you don’t understand what they are saying. For real swear words they may have heard from adults or other children, don’t explain their meaning or why they are offensive. Instead, state calmly and clearly: "That’s not a word you can use at home or in public."
If every time you help your preschooler clean up after using the toilet, you wrinkle your nose in disgust or whisper words related to bodily functions, it’s no surprise that your child quickly realizes these words get attention. Keep in mind that it’s completely normal for young children to be fascinated by their bodies, especially the parts that are usually covered and the things that come out of them. If you don’t overreact to their fascination with these words, they are more likely to move on from this phase. Reading fun picture books about bodily functions can also help take away the “forbidden” appeal of these topics.
If your child continues to use offensive language despite warnings, it’s time to introduce consequences. Stay calm, respond quickly, and be consistent. For example, you can say: "That word means you need a time-out." A disciplinary time-out can be done anywhere, such as the backseat of a car or a quiet corner in a shopping mall. If time-outs alone don’t work, you may need to escalate the consequence by removing privileges, but again, do this consistently and without emotional reactions. For example: "If you use that word, you won’t be able to go to Yarin’s house to play" or "You won’t be able to watch the Clever Mouse cartoon this afternoon."
At this stage, it’s also important to consider why your child is resisting your guidance. Maybe their use of inappropriate words is a sign that something else is bothering them.
If your five-year-old is using offensive language to demand something, make sure they don’t get it. Simply saying, "That wasn’t a nice thing to say, but here’s your ice cream cone anyway," is not an effective response.
Allowing your child to call others negative nicknames, even playful ones, does them no favors. Ask them how they would feel if someone called them by the same name. Swearing and excessive use of toilet-related words are unacceptable at school, on the playground, and at friends’ houses. Explain that these words hurt people’s feelings and that it doesn’t matter if other kids use them—name-calling and foul language are not allowed.
Your child is still learning empathy and may not always remember to consider others' feelings, but it’s important to remind them that their words affect people.
While different rules may apply to adults and children, if your five-year-old hears you casually swearing in everyday conversation, it will be much harder to convince them to stop. If they mimic something you’ve said, admit that you shouldn’t have said it either, agree to remove that word from your vocabulary, and then follow through with your decision.
By setting a good example and using consistent discipline, you can teach your child to choose their words wisely and communicate in a respectful manner.
