Elizabeth Gilbert Breaks Silence on Codependency and Dangerous Love in New Book

Tuesday, September 23, 2025  Read time4 min

SAEDNEWS: Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest memoir, All the Way to the River, delves into her intense relationship with Rayya Elias, exploring love addiction, codependency, and the harrowing struggles of addiction, heartbreak, and personal reckoning.

Elizabeth Gilbert Breaks Silence on Codependency and Dangerous Love in New Book

Elizabeth Gilbert Confronts Love Addiction in Her Most Personal Memoir

Elizabeth Gilbert, the bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love, has returned with a memoir that is raw, unflinching, and deeply intimate. All the Way to the River: Love, Loss, and Liberation chronicles Gilbert’s complex and tumultuous relationship with Rayya Elias, exploring themes of sex addiction, codependency, grief, and addiction.

Unlike her 2006 bestseller, which focused on post-divorce self-discovery across the globe, Gilbert’s latest work dives into her personal vulnerabilities, revealing how her patterns of intense love and obsession have shaped her life.

“Love Addiction” and “Blackout Codependency”

Gilbert describes herself as both a “love addict” and a “blackout codependent.” She explains, “I get so swept up in somebody that I actually kind of lose my brains and wake up similar to the way that a blackout alcoholic would wake up months later and be like, ‘Oh my god, what just happened to my life?’” This self-awareness sets the stage for a memoir that refuses to shy away from the messiness of human relationships.

Her bond with Rayya Elias began as friendship — Elias was Gilbert’s hairstylist — but evolved into a deep, romantic connection over more than a decade of closeness. By 2016, after Elias was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic and liver cancer, their feelings intensified, and Gilbert left her husband to be with Elias.

The Dark Side of Love and Addiction

Elias’ history with heroin and cocaine addiction resurfaced as her cancer progressed, placing Gilbert in the role of enabler. The memoir recounts harrowing moments of chaos and codependency: “If the most degraded version of Rayya was a low-bottom opioid and cocaine addict who became very manipulative and abusive… the lowest version of myself… is an enabler who has no boundaries, who will do absolutely anything to be loved.”

At one point, Gilbert even considered euthanizing Elias with sleeping pills and fentanyl patches, revealing the extreme psychological pressure she faced. She recalls, “I could see no other way out. And it felt like the degree of my insanity… as to how crazy I was was that it seemed like a really good idea in that moment.”

Coping with Grief and Reflection

Eighteen months after Elias’ diagnosis, she passed away in 2018. Gilbert waited seven years to publicly discuss the story, citing the need for personal processing: “It took me so long after she died to process what indeed had happened and what my role had been… how we soared to the highest heights and also collapsed to the lowest depths.”

The memoir does not shy away from unflattering depictions of Gilbert herself. She emphasizes that her goal was truth over image management: “The book is about the way our addictions and our compulsions fired off of each other to lead us both into insanity… I was not interested in my image management because I was interested in the truth.”

Financial Generosity and the Complexity of Fame

Gilbert also explores the challenges of sudden wealth following the success of Eat, Pray, Love. She acknowledges the difficulties of navigating generosity and boundaries: “It is messy, it’s murky… my codependency and my need to fix, manage and control other people’s lives because I can’t handle my own showed up.”

This reflection adds depth to her narrative, highlighting the intersection of privilege, love, and personal responsibility.

Family Reactions and Controversy

Not all readers have embraced Gilbert’s account. Some family members of Elias reportedly disputed parts of the memoir regarding her relapse and decline. Gilbert addresses this candidly, sharing that she consulted Elias’ family and removed content that could be perceived as unfair. She states, “I took those parts out… wherever anybody expressed that disagreement… I made sure everything was as fair and true as I could make it.”

Insights from Recovery and the 12-Step Program

Gilbert’s experience in a 12-step program offers an additional lens on coping with addiction and codependency. She shares: “I like to think I’m really smart, and it’s good for me to sit in a room where it doesn’t matter how smart you are… one day at a time.” This philosophy anchors her narrative, offering both accountability and hope.

Protecting Emotional Sobriety

Throughout the process of writing and publicizing her memoir, Gilbert has maintained a careful approach to her emotional well-being. She avoids reading reviews, whether positive or negative, and prioritizes her “emotional sobriety” over public acclaim: “I’m protecting my emotional sobriety… it’s not about protecting my tender feelings; it’s about staying safe and grounded.”

Public Reaction and Legacy

The release of All the Way to the River has polarized audiences, with some lauding Gilbert’s bravery and honesty, while others criticize her for sharing intensely personal details. Regardless, the memoir reinforces Gilbert’s position as a fearless storyteller willing to confront the complexities of human desire, addiction, and grief.

Her candid exploration of love addiction, codependency, and the destructive power of unchecked emotions resonates deeply, offering readers a window into a life that is both extraordinary and heartbreakingly familiar.