Ingratitude, like other human behaviors and traits, stems from a set of strong beliefs and perspectives that may have formed in your spouse’s mind in the past, making it difficult for them to express gratitude.
Why is this person so ungrateful?
Perfectionism or high expectations
Lack of self-confidence
A broad perspective
Fear of being restricted and losing independence
Some people believe that expressing gratitude to their spouse puts them in debt
The positive effects of expressing gratitude to a spouse
Increased life satisfaction
Reduced risk of depression
Less anger and resentment through gratitude
How can we show appreciation to our spouse?
Have You Ever Been a Victim of Ingratitude?
Have you ever felt that those around you do not appreciate your efforts and sacrifices? Do you wish that, for all the things you do, you would at least receive a small "thank you"? If your answer is yes, you should know that if the ungrateful person is your spouse, the situation becomes even more distressing!
"Everyone should do their duty and should not expect gratitude from others."
Unfortunately, this mistaken belief is so widespread that many of us have accepted it as truth. However, psychologists believe that grateful individuals are more positive, satisfied, and social than others and, as a result, feel happier in life. The skill of appreciating others strengthens one's spirit and mind and can even change one's social standing. Gratitude allows you to see the positive traits in others more clearly, making you more likable.
However, for some people, expressing gratitude and appreciation is difficult, which can lead to hurt feelings in their relationships.
Like other human behaviors and traits, ingratitude results from deeply ingrained beliefs and perspectives developed throughout life. No one is born inherently good or bad; rather, they learn behaviors as they grow. Here are some of the main reasons for ingratitude:
In some families, there is no culture or rule that people should express appreciation for each other. For example, no one thanks the mother for the meal on the table. As a result, children grow up with this mindset and do not express gratitude in their interactions.
People with a perfectionist mindset believe that everything should always be in order. They see a clean and tidy home, a well-groomed spouse, and a prepared meal as normal and not a big deal. Some women, no matter what their husbands do for them, never find it enough and always expect more. Because of this, they never appreciate small or seemingly insignificant gestures, considering them to be the husband's duty.
If your spouse lacks confidence, they may fear that by appreciating you, they will boost your self-confidence and make you stronger and more successful than them. Therefore, they may avoid expressing gratitude, complimenting you, or even acknowledging your value. These individuals sometimes act dominant or controlling to make their partner feel less important.
Some people do not notice small details because they focus on the bigger picture. Since they take a top-down view of things, they do not express gratitude. They often come across as cold and logical rather than emotional. These individuals may overlook details that are very important to their spouse.
Some people act very friendly and cheerful outside the home but do not express appreciation inside the home. They want to remain free and independent. They fear that if they express gratitude, their partner will become overly attached to them. These individuals have a deep fear of feeling restricted.
Some individuals think:
“If I appreciate my spouse for what they’ve done, it means I owe them, and now I must repay them multiple times over.”
They believe they should not be indebted to anyone. Instead, they prefer to give gifts or perform bigger acts to make their spouse feel indebted to them. This stems from their desire not to feel inadequate or useless. So, when you do something nice for them, instead of feeling happy, they feel anxious!
As you can see, ingratitude has deep psychological roots. Resolving these issues requires open communication, patience, and effort to bring about change. A person who struggles to incorporate healthy behaviors like gratitude into their relationships—especially with their spouse—needs to make a greater effort to achieve mutual understanding and effective interaction. Seeking help from a therapist or marriage counselor can also be beneficial.
If your spouse does not understand your need for appreciation, try to create a sense of security and reassurance for them. Let them know that expressing gratitude will not threaten their independence, strength, or value but will only improve the quality of your relationship. Initiate a healthy and mature conversation, and express your feelings not from a place of anger or complaint but with the intention of solving the problem.
Gratitude helps people experience more positive emotions, enjoy good experiences, improve their health, cope with challenges, and build strong relationships. At a deeper level, gratitude is a heartfelt emotion that expresses admiration for someone other than ourselves. Showing gratitude means respecting the other person's values and expressing intimacy toward them.
Grateful people are more satisfied individuals. They enjoy life more, recognize and appreciate their spouse’s good qualities, and have a deeper understanding of their partner. This sense of satisfaction is a fundamental aspect of happiness.
Gratitude reduces depression. Why? Because depression often stems from a deep but hidden form of selfishness. When we act as passive receivers and expect everything—including love—to be handed to us, we naturally feel disappointed. Life does not work that way; it requires interaction. Grateful people do not become depressed as easily because gratitude counters this hidden sense of entitlement.
Both anger and envy stem from a sense of frustration. Anger arises when an obstacle prevents us from reaching our goals, and envy arises when we wish we were in someone else’s position but are not. Gratitude, on the other hand, is about appreciating the positive aspects of our current situation. It directly combats the emotions that fuel anger and envy.
Express love openly.
Be creative in how you show affection.
Do not wait for a specific action to show gratitude.
Support your spouse, both privately and in front of others.
Praise your spouse’s positive traits and good qualities.
Show respect for them in social settings.
Spend quality time together.
Plan romantic dates.
Make your spouse a priority.
