If you feel your children can't handle their personal tasks, lack independence, confidence, and seem somewhat helpless, they may need more guidance and support. Developing independence in children requires opportunities to learn life skills through practical experience.
According to the family magazine service of Saed News, despite parents' efforts to teach various skills to their children, many still complain about their children's dependence and lack of self-sufficiency. They believe other parents, who don't perform certain tasks for their children, have more capable and independent kids. While part of this may be due to inherent abilities and genetics, a significant portion is learned behavior. Often, over-involvement by parents can lead to children being unable to handle everyday tasks. Child psychologists often recommend being "good enough" parents rather than perfect ones. This report explains why your child may lack essential personal skills and what steps you can take to improve the situation.
Don't Be Impatient Parents
Impatient parents often face more challenges with their children. Besides causing stress and anger in their children, these parents unintentionally take over many of the child's tasks, leading to increased dependence. Raha Mahabadi, a child development coach, says: "Many of our children's behaviors and habits stem from their parents. For example, impatience in parents can lead to various consequences. Good parents should know that their child cannot keep up with them physically and mentally, so they shouldn't pressure them or do their tasks for them, as this hinders their skill development. We recommend parents avoid last-minute rushes. If they plan to go out, give the child their clothes 30 minutes ahead of time and let them dress themselves; or allow more time for a child who can't eat without help to learn to eat independently."
Stop Controlling and Perfectionism
While parents should carefully monitor their children's actions and behavior, this should not turn into control and perfectionism, which can harm the child. Mahabadi explains: "When parents excessively control their child's actions, like playing, doing homework, dressing, eating, washing hands, etc., and intervene or instruct them to do it perfectly, they either push the child towards stubbornness or make them lose confidence in handling tasks independently."
Don't Make Decisions for Your Child
It's natural to want the best for your child, but this doesn't mean imposing your choices on them and denying them the right to choose. This can hinder their decision-making skills, affecting their confidence in the future. This child development expert elaborates: "People shape their future with the right decisions. However, some parents make so many decisions for their children during their childhood and adolescence that the children become incapable of making decisions on their own or struggle with doubt. Parents should smartly create opportunities for their children to make decisions, like choosing between different foods, clothes, or games. This builds confidence and decision-making skills, making children stronger and bolder."
Don't Do Everything for Your Child
If you don't want to raise a lazy and helpless child, avoid doing everything for them and making them overly dependent. Mahabadi says: "For instance, if you bring water or snacks for your child, place them a bit further away so the child has to get up to fetch them. This teaches the child they are responsible for some tasks and that not everything is handed to them without effort. It also helps them learn skills like eating independently. If a child needs the restroom at night, don't carry them; instead, support and guide them to walk there, fostering their independence."
Avoid Overprotection
Some parents are so protective that their children don't learn how to face challenges and defend themselves. Parents should sometimes step back and support their children from a distance, allowing them to stand on their own. Mahabadi explains: "If parents intervene in every minor argument or disagreement among children, the child won't learn to communicate or solve problems independently. When parents aren't around, the child won't know how to face challenges or defend themselves. Instead of constant protection, parents should use stories and role-play to teach children how to handle various issues, solve problems, and stand up for themselves."
Don't Rush to Lift a Fallen Child
Many parents rush to pick up their child after a fall, even if the child isn't hurt. While this reaction is instinctive, it should be approached differently. Mahabadi offers another solution for raising strong children: "If the child hasn't fallen badly, parents should calmly approach, sympathize, and encourage the child to get up slowly and then comfort them. This response supports and empathizes with the child while teaching them to stand up on their own, fostering resilience. This approach also applies when children face failures; parents should empathize and allow the child to confront and accept their failures."
You might think these actions take away from your role as a perfect parent or even invite criticism, but as mentioned earlier, to raise independent and capable children, it's more important to be a "good enough" parent rather than a perfect one.
