How to Handle a Child Who Frequently Cries: 8 Strategies for Managing Recurrent Crying

According to SAEDNEWS, Cheryl Rode, a clinical child psychologist, explains that "crying is a natural and healthy behavior with both biological and social foundations. It can relieve stress and emotional energy, and serves as a means of communicating emotions or seeking comfort." She notes that crying is usually a response to intense emotions and is linked to the limbic system, the part of the brain responsible for regulating emotions. Childhood is a crucial period for learning to control and manage these emotions.

Children’s ability to regulate their emotions varies widely, even in elementary school. Hormonal changes during puberty can also lead to crying spells in teenagers. Some children cry more due to heightened sensitivity or empathy, while others may experience emotions more intensely or struggle with emotional control. It's also important to consider that excessive crying in some children may be linked to depression and anxiety. Identifying the cause of a child's crying is beneficial for both the child and the parents.

Tim Elmore, author of "Generation iY: Secrets to Connecting with Today’s Teens & Young Adults in the Digital Age," identifies frustration, fear, selfishness, and feelings of inadequacy as the main reasons for children's tears. But what should you do about your child's unexpected crying? The solution is not to forbid them from crying altogether, as suppressing emotions can lead to physical and mental health issues. Instead, teach your child when it's appropriate to cry and when it’s better to manage their emotions. Here are strategies to help a child who frequently cries:

1. Be a Role Model for Healthy Emotional Expression

Adults can model healthy ways to handle emotional outbursts like crying. When your child sees you managing your tears, they learn how to handle their own emotions.

2. Show That Crying Is Part of Being Human

Elmore explains that many children are harmed by comments like "Big boys don’t cry" or "Crying is never the right thing to do." Instead, teach your child that crying is a natural reaction to pain, sadness, frustration, fear, deprivation, anger, and even joy.

3. Discuss Emotion Management When Calm

Rode recommends discussing emotion regulation during calm moments rather than in the heat of the moment. Use characters from books or movies to connect with your child's experiences and remind them of times when these characters overcame emotional challenges.

4. Remind Your Child That Emotions Are Temporary

Children and even teenagers may not realize that intense emotions are temporary and won’t last long. Elmore advises, "Repeated reminders that intense feelings will pass don’t solve the problem instantly, but over time, children will understand that crying and sighing are not permanent."

5. Don’t Reward Crying

Sometimes parents and teachers give in to a child's crying to stop the emotional outburst. Rode notes, "It’s hard not to rush to rescue, but the more you reward unnecessary crying, the more you encourage it." Inform teachers if your child often cries out of frustration and ask them not to intervene immediately. This teaches your child to manage their emotions with coping skills rather than prolonging the crying.

6. Create a Safe Space for Crying

Having an audience can intensify and prolong a child's crying. Elmore suggests designating a safe, quiet place where your child can express their emotions.

7. Teach Coping Skills

Teach children techniques for managing their emotions, such as deep breathing, repeating affirmations like "I can do this," taking breaks from activities, and asking for help. If your child struggles to control their tears at school, suggest they rest their head on their desk and count to 10 when they feel tears coming. This can help them regain control.

8. Help Your Child Find Solutions

Often, the most effective way to prevent unnecessary crying is to help your child learn to manage situations that trigger it. Rode advises focusing on coping strategies for each situation that causes tears, guiding your child to come up with their own solutions. Solutions they find themselves are more effective than those imposed by parents.