The primary concern for most working mothers is how to prepare their child for separation and their return to work after maternity leave. In this article, we will explore this topic in detail.
Many mothers experience confusion between their professional duties and maternal responsibilities after giving birth. On one hand, they do not want to lose their financial independence and career progress, while on the other, they are deeply concerned about their child's needs. Balancing life under such circumstances is extremely challenging and requires support from loved ones, as well as mutual understanding from spouses and family. Consulting with child psychologists can be helpful in maintaining an emotional connection between working mothers and their children while also alleviating feelings of guilt and anxiety. Additionally, learning effective parenting strategies can contribute to a child's proper upbringing.
Many couples face disagreements about a woman's employment status after childbirth or even when planning to have children. For example, in counseling sessions, many men express concerns about child care and believe that a mother's employment might negatively impact the child’s development and upbringing.
This issue creates conflicting emotions in women. Most working women have spent years studying and working hard to establish their careers. With the arrival of a child, they find themselves in a complex dilemma, sometimes experiencing guilt for their attachment to their profession. These internal conflicts can lead to family tension and impact the mental well-being of everyone, especially the mother.
Therefore, couples must have open discussions in a supportive environment, thoroughly assess their life situation, and reach a mutual decision regarding this matter. Seeking guidance from a family counselor can be beneficial in making better decisions and managing emotions effectively.
The first two years of life are the most crucial for the mother-child bond. During this period, a child's attachment style is formed, influencing their perception of trust and relationships. A newborn, more than at any other stage, requires close physical contact with their mother. Holding the baby and hearing the mother’s voice soothes them, and a lack of maternal affection can result in severe emotional deprivation.
As a result, during infancy—especially the first year—mothers need maternity leave to be physically present for their child, meeting their needs promptly. Once the baby transitions out of infancy and establishes a healthy relationship with the mother, she can return to full-time work and address the challenges of separation with various solutions.
Although a child's dependence on their mother gradually decreases after infancy, preschool-aged children still rely on their mothers more than anyone else. The bond between mother and child remains the most significant relationship in their life. However, separation becomes more manageable at this stage, depending on how well the mother balances her energy between work and home.
Experts believe that if working mothers can develop a deep connection with their child after returning from work—by dedicating time to play, listening to their stories, and engaging in meaningful interactions—the time apart can be compensated for.
In other words, psychologists and child counselors emphasize that the quality of mother-child interactions is more important than the quantity of time spent together. Many stay-at-home mothers, despite being physically present, may struggle to maintain a positive and healthy relationship with their child due to dissatisfaction with their own lives. Conversely, children of working mothers who are energetic and engaged tend to experience healthier emotional and psychological development.
If a baby, particularly in the early months, does not experience the presence of their mother, they are likely to develop attachment issues. Infants are highly dependent on their mothers cognitively and emotionally, to the extent that they cannot distinguish themselves as separate individuals. Therefore, prolonged separation from a working mother and failure to meet the baby’s essential needs can cause severe psychological distress.
Mothers who must return to work due to financial constraints and are unable to take leave should consider leaving their child with close family members, such as a grandmother, who can provide adequate care and emotional support. Ensuring the child is placed in a nurturing environment minimizes potential harm.
Separation at older ages has fewer negative effects, but exhausted mothers returning from work who lack the energy to interact and play with their child may fail to fulfill their child’s emotional and psychological needs. This increases the child’s vulnerability to emotional deprivation. For this reason, experts advise working mothers to prioritize their mental and physical health, manage their energy wisely, and engage in self-care activities such as exercise, relaxation techniques, and mindfulness practices.
Play hide-and-seek with your child. This helps them understand that your absence does not mean abandonment; it is only temporary.
After 18 months, gradually introduce short separations by leaving your child with a trusted family member or friend and increasing the duration over time.
Expose your child to social settings such as parks or daycare centers to create positive experiences of being apart from you. However, daycare is best introduced after age two when separation anxiety has subsided.
Before returning to work, prepare your child in advance. Introduce them to their caregiver or daycare setting beforehand.
During the initial days, stay with your child for a short while and gradually decrease the time you spend with them.
Some children adapt quickly to separation, while others may cry for hours. If you plan to leave your child with a caregiver, discuss their habits, sleeping schedule, and feeding routine to ensure continuity in care.
If you feel anxious about leaving your child, try not to show it. Children are highly sensitive to emotions; if they sense your worry, it may heighten their own anxiety. Be confident and reassuring.
Do not get angry when your child clings to you. Remember that, at this stage, you are the most important person in their world. Understanding this can help you remain calm.
Avoid sending mixed messages. For example, if you are hugging your child, do not simultaneously tell them to move away. This confuses them.
Do not make exceptions to rules due to illness. If your child is sick, do not allow behaviors that are usually prohibited. Otherwise, they may associate being sick with receiving special privileges and manipulate situations in the future. Studies on adult treatment suggest that children with chronic pain should maintain their regular routines as much as possible to avoid reinforcing negative behaviors.
By following these strategies, working mothers can navigate the challenges of separation while ensuring their child’s emotional well-being and maintaining a fulfilling career.
