SAEDNEWS: Sometimes, we see couples who eagerly celebrate their engagement or marriage, but later, during the engagement period, they experience a lack of enthusiasm.
One of the main problems young couples face is the cooling off after the engagement. It is strange that a man and a woman, who had been waiting for a long time to marry each other, now, after the engagement, begin to distance themselves, and the flame of love between them begins to dim. Many of them don't even know the reason for this cooling off after the engagement, or how to deal with the problem to maintain their relationship. In some cases, this lack of enthusiasm leads to separation and divorce. Therefore, in this article, we have tried to examine this issue in detail.
From the beginning of the engagement or marriage, you expect to see the passion and enthusiasm of love from your spouse. Instead, you encounter an icy mountain as if they have no inclination toward you. If you want a successful and lasting marriage, you must act consciously from the very start and not ignore the signs of disinterest from your fiancé. But what are the signs of lack of enthusiasm and inattention during the engagement period?
Discontentment and lack of enthusiasm in marital relationships are among the most destructive sexual dysfunctions affecting marriage. When the sexual relationship between a couple lacks quality, or when no relationship is established at all, it easily creates the grounds for extramarital relationships, infidelity, and divorce. In a healthy relationship, couples maintain a “magical ratio” where for every negative interaction (such as an argument or disagreement), there are five positive interactions. If this balance is absent in your relationship, it could be a warning sign of incompatibility during the engagement period.
In most cases, the reason for separation during the engagement is that individuals constantly criticize each other. However, you need to determine whether this behavior stems from a lack of genuine respect or simply because you are upset after having a bad day. Excessive criticism is one of the main reasons for a woman’s lack of enthusiasm during the engagement, because when a woman feels she is not being validated by her husband and is constantly being blamed, she becomes cold and demotivated unconsciously.
Additionally, remember that using terms like "never" and "always" is dangerous. For example, if you constantly tell each other, "You never help me" or "You always forget your responsibilities," you’re not just criticizing your partner, but questioning their character.
When you express your concerns, does your partner immediately come up with excuses without taking responsibility for anything? This is another sign of cooling off after the engagement. Keep in mind that when you are always defensive, there is no space for building a strong relationship.
Having good verbal communication is the foundation of a successful relationship. When this communication breaks down, it can be one of the signs of cooling off during the engagement. If your partner is unwilling to talk about your problems, you can’t solve them. Solving issues requires effort from both parties, meaning both individuals must participate, even if you think one person is at fault. Ask yourself whether you are spending enough time trying to resolve problems.
When two people love each other, they are always eager to see each other and spend time together. Therefore, distancing yourselves from one another is one of the signs of disillusionment and inattention during the engagement period. If your fiancé spends excessive time on work, friends, or other things, and less time with you, be cautious, as this is not a good sign.
In the end, prolonged signs of cooling off can cause hesitation during the engagement. At this point, the thoughts of escaping begin. In fact, when relational conflicts are not resolved and the relationship becomes increasingly toxic, you may feel helpless. You don’t know how to change the situation, and you can’t see a way forward. Therefore, instead of communicating, you start thinking about how to solve the problem. Often, the simplest solution seems to be to separate, unaware of how painful the consequences of divorce during the engagement can be. Hence, our advice is to try other methods instead of thinking about divorce and separation.
When spouses understand each other’s differences well, there are fewer instances of emotional detachment in their lives. These differences can be categorized into two types: some are general differences, and others are related to fulfilling sexual and emotional needs. Let’s look at other reasons for lack of enthusiasm during the early years of marriage.
When a man is unable to understand his wife’s thoughts, establish a good emotional connection with her, or grasp her feelings, the woman feels reluctance. Men need to understand that women cope with inner pressures through talking and communication, whereas men tend to think that if there is nothing to say, they don’t need to talk. Therefore, the first cause of coldness at the beginning of the relationship is that your partner feels you don’t know them well enough or that you don’t understand them enough. If men understand how much talking with a woman matters and how beneficial it is for themselves, they will welcome it.
For romantic or intimate relationships during the engagement, it is crucial to create a stress-free environment. You are forming your first emotional and physical experiences, and it’s essential to create these in the right setting to have positive memories about them. Men may think that physical intimacy or affection can help their wife relax when she’s tired or stressed, but this is a completely mistaken assumption (though it may be true for men). In these situations, the best option for a woman to relax and relieve stress is talking to her husband.
During the engagement or early years of marriage, one of the biggest concerns for women is the physical relationship. Assure them that there is no rush and that you can gradually become more familiar with each other’s bodies, and there’s no need to force intimacy. Fear of pregnancy or other serious issues during the engagement can also be a source of stress for women. Never pressure your fiancée into having sexual relations during the engagement. Otherwise, the coldness and reluctance from the woman may persist in your life later. Reserve intimate relations for a time when both of you are willing, and both are truly ready.
Now that we understand the behavioral patterns that signal a lack of enthusiasm from your fiancé, it’s time to look for appropriate solutions to warm up the relationship. Some of the suitable solutions are described below:
Identify the problem: The first and most important step in addressing indifference during the engagement is to find the root of the problem. You need to figure out which bad habits have caused the distance between you two. How is your communication? How do you feel when you think about your fiancé? What do you think they feel about you? What’s causing the lack of enthusiasm from your partner? After finding the answers to these questions, look for the right solution.
Talk to your spouse about your feelings: Remember that ignoring the cooling off of your fiancé will only make the situation harder. If you’re wondering what the man’s duties are during the engagement, we must say that it’s the man’s responsibility to take steps to create intimacy. To this end, try to keep the conversation going for 5 to 10 minutes. Explain to your partner the cause of the coldness and indifference.
Give your partner time to reflect on what you said: One helpful tip in dealing with a man’s coldness during the engagement is to give him some time to think. During this period, don’t seek attention or annoy him, as this will only drive him further away. In fact, freedom can foster intimacy.
Try to get closer again: If you still have hope for your relationship and want to try different ways to reconnect, consider phone calls during the engagement, surprising your fiancé after work, buying a small gift, or doing anything that shows your attention. These actions can help improve your relationship.
Build dreams together: One useful approach in dealing with a cold partner during the engagement is to create a vision for the future together. Ask yourself what the ideal situation for your family would be. Build a dream together and create a larger picture of your life. Base your life plan on happiness, stability, commitment, sacrifice, and so on.
Remember to laugh and have fun together: Watch funny movies, engage in activities you both enjoy, and try to help your partner remember why they fell in love with you. With time and effort, you can understand the reasons behind the coldness of both men and women and then find a suitable solution to end the indifference during the engagement.
