SAEDNEWS: Reconciling with your spouse after a heated argument is not an easy task for anyone. Arguments and silent treatment, especially with your spouse, are among the most tense events in life that everyone experiences, and it is inevitable.
Making up after a long and difficult fight also comes with challenges, as many people view initiating reconciliation as a sign of weakness, while at the same time suffering from the distance and coldness caused by the argument.
In married life, there are times when couples become upset with each other. All couples experience disagreements and arguments, which often lead to silence or a change in the dynamic of their relationship. When your spouse is upset or angry with you, you likely know what behavior or mistake of yours caused their discomfort. You might prefer to remain silent and hope that things will return to normal gradually, but studies have shown that addressing the issue directly is usually the best solution. While it may lead to more arguments or confusion at first, if you find the right moment and approach for reconciliation with your spouse, this process won’t be as difficult or painful.
To return to your previous joyful life and relationship, you need to reconcile. Here are some practical ways to make up after a fight. Use these tips to rebuild your relationship and avoid angry confrontations.
If your mistake has hurt your spouse, then understand the situation. They are likely very angry with you. During these moments, you should not use humor as a way to make up. Respect how upset they are. Acknowledge their feelings and empathize with them. The only thing your spouse expects when they are upset is for you to understand, accept, and pay attention to their hurt feelings. They need to feel that you acknowledge their pain. Hearing the phrase, "I can understand what made you upset and what mistake I made," will be very helpful. It will prevent your spouse from resisting reconciliation and allow them to calm down a bit.
If you want to reconcile with your husband or wife, you need to be careful with your words. When you and your spouse argue, you become extremely sensitive to each other’s words. Use affectionate and loving words for your spouse instead of negative statements. Below are some examples of phrases that can make the situation worse:
Perhaps the issue doesn’t seem major to you, or you think your spouse overreacted and didn’t need to get upset. However, this issue matters greatly to them. For them, it is very important, and your job now is to comfort your spouse, not to assess whether the problem was significant or not.
When you see that your spouse is upset, don’t say that you can’t do anything or remain indifferent. Look for solutions to the problems, and if you’ve made a mistake, accept it and make amends.
Just because your spouse’s perspective doesn’t align with yours doesn’t mean they are being illogical. Perhaps both of you have different viewpoints on the situation, but this doesn’t mean you should call their feelings irrational.
Avoiding communication and not talking will not help resolve conflicts or reconcile with your spouse. Look for effective words and phrases to help reconcile.
When you do something that hurts your spouse or causes them to get upset and withdraw, the best thing to do is accept your mistake and express remorse. It’s important to take responsibility for upsetting your spouse. Show them that you understand you’ve made a mistake and that you’re truly sorry. Don’t use phrases that make your spouse feel like you’re apologizing out of pity or sympathy.
If you have a logical explanation for why you made a mistake, you can offer it, but if you know there is no logical reason for your behavior, avoid making excuses. Making excuses is simply an attempt to avoid responsibility for your actions and your spouse’s hurt. For example, saying, "I shouldn’t have yelled at you, but I was really angry and stressed," is just an excuse. Excuses make your apology seem insincere and selfish. Avoid blaming others for your mistake, as this will only make you appear weak.
Be sincere in your apology and efforts to reconcile. Honesty is one of the most important skills in a relationship. Accept the mistake you made and seek ways to make amends. Just saying, "Let’s make up" or "I’m sorry you’re upset" isn’t enough. Think carefully about what you can do to improve the situation. If you don’t know what to do, ask your spouse, "What can I do to make things right?" This will make them feel better. You can also write a letter expressing your remorse. Insincere apologies, symbolic gestures, and empty promises can do more harm than good.
When your spouse is upset and criticizing you, try not to become defensive, though this can be difficult. Expanding your ability to be flexible and not responding with aggression will help a lot in reconciling with a proud spouse. Try to see the situation from their perspective. Your ability to accept criticism will help your spouse soften and calm down.
Frequent arguments between spouses often indicate that they haven’t learned from their previous mistakes or tried to correct them. Ongoing conflict is harmful to a relationship. Learn from your and your spouse’s mistakes to prevent them from recurring. Understanding and knowing your spouse better can significantly improve the reconciliation process.
If you feel that even though your spouse has reconciled with you, they are still upset, try to address the underlying hurt. Simply reconciling is not enough. You need to resolve the issues and emotions behind the conflict. Leaving issues unresolved can be detrimental to your relationship. As soon as you realize there are still unresolved feelings, work to fix them. Seeking family counseling for help with emotional issues can be very beneficial.
A critical step in reconciling with your spouse is to rebuild lost trust and emotional beliefs. Trust is a priority in any marriage. When trust is broken, it can take time to rebuild. Being steadfast, patient, and kind will help pave the way for rebuilding trust. Stick to your commitments and don’t take advantage of your spouse’s renewed trust.
If arguments and silent treatments persist and have caused significant harm to your relationship, it’s advisable to seek in-person or phone counseling. If you feel you can’t fix your relationship on your own, and reconciliation with your partner has been delayed, seeking the advice of a counselor or therapist is the best option. A counselor can help you identify destructive patterns and how to establish effective communication.
If you are wondering how to reconcile with your spouse after a fight, there are many ways to apologize and make up. Many of these methods are quite similar or even identical. You can try the following ideas to reconcile with your spouse.
When your spouse is upset with you, one way to cheer them up and bring a smile to their face is to engage in their favorite activity. For example, watch their favorite movie, play their favorite music, or do a fun activity that can bring excitement and joy to both of you. Of course, this may not be effective if the situation is very serious, and your spouse has been deeply hurt.
You can choose a small gift, such as a flower, as a peace offering. Take them to a beautiful place and ask them to end the argument. Giving gifts can be very effective, and it doesn’t need to be an expensive one. Even a single flower can bring peace and happiness back to your life.
To end a fight with your husband, you can cook their favorite meal. When they come home tired from work and see the dinner table set, they will realize that you still care about them and want a sweet life together. If your wife is upset and has been silent with you, take her to a restaurant and order food based on her preferences. This will remind her that she is still your priority, and you are making an effort for her.
If your spouse refuses to talk to you under any circumstances, you can ask a trusted friend or family member to help. Be careful not to let anyone else know about the conflict. Talk to the mediator about the issue, and ask them to inform your spouse that you are sorry and want to reconcile.
Even when you’re fighting, never sleep in separate beds. Sleeping next to each other can help calm your spouse down and improve your relationship. If the fight is minor and you can still communicate with your spouse, hug them and, if they’re willing, have a romantic evening.
Along with your gift, you can use romantic phrases to apologize. Write a letter expressing your regret and ask them to end the silence and start over. Here are some short phrases you can use in your letter:
"I’m looking to reconcile with my love, please forgive me. I know what I did was wrong. I wish I had thought before acting. Please make up with me."
"There is no excuse for what I did. I know I made a mistake, but I promise to make it right. Please reconcile with me. I can’t stand being angry with you, my best spouse."
"The way I spoke to you was wrong, and I didn’t realize I hurt you. Please don’t turn your heart away from me. Give me a chance to make it up and stop being angry."
Arguments and reconciliation in marriage are unavoidable. There is no couple who hasn’t experienced at least one fight. Naturally, we all want a happy life without anger or sadness. However, since everyone is different and has varying thoughts, cultures, and needs, it’s impossible for there to be no conflicts in married life. What’s important is that you don’t let small issues turn into grudges or unhappiness. Apologize to your spouse as soon as possible and focus on reconciling and comforting them. Don’t let trivial matters make your life bitter.
