As children grow older, they gain more control over their emotions and no longer cry for every little reason like they did in early childhood. However, some children, even as they grow up, remain highly sensitive and may burst into tears unexpectedly, sometimes even surprising themselves.
According to Saed News Family Magazine, clinical child psychologist Cheryl Rode explains that "Crying is a natural and healthy behavior with biological and social foundations. It can help release stress and emotional energy and also serve as a communication tool for expressing emotions or seeking comfort." She notes that crying is often a reaction to intense emotions and adds, "The mechanisms that trigger crying are linked to the limbic system, the part of the brain responsible for controlling emotions. Childhood is a time for learning how to manage and regulate emotions."
Children in elementary school vary greatly in their ability to regulate emotions. Even teenagers may experience crying episodes due to the hormonal changes of puberty. Some children cry more frequently because they are more sensitive or empathetic, while others struggle to control their emotions and cry often. Additionally, frequent intense crying in some children may be linked to depression and anxiety.
Understanding the cause of a child's crying benefits both the child and their parents. According to Tim Elmore, author of "Generation iY: Secrets to Connecting with Today’s Teens and Young Adults in the Digital Age," the main reasons children cry are frustration, fear, selfishness, and feelings of inadequacy.
But you may be wondering: How should I handle my child's unexpected crying? The solution is not to completely forbid crying, as suppressing emotions can have negative physical and mental effects. Instead, teach your child when it's okay to cry and when it's better to manage their emotions.
Here are eight strategies to help a child who cries frequently:
1. Be a role model for handling emotional outbursts in a healthy way
Parents and caregivers should set an example for how to control emotional outbursts like crying. When children see how adults handle their own emotions, they learn how to manage their own tears.
2. Show them that crying is a natural part of being human
Elmore emphasizes that harmful statements like "Big boys don’t cry" or "Crying is never the right thing to do" can negatively affect children. Instead, teach your child that crying is a natural reaction to pain, sadness, frustration, fear, loss, anger, and even sometimes joy and happiness.
3. Talk to your child about emotional regulation during calm moments
Rode suggests using stories or movie characters to help children understand emotional control. Discuss situations where a character overcame a challenge or managed their emotions well. Relating these stories to your child's own experiences can be very effective.
4. Remind your child that strong emotions are temporary
Children and even teenagers sometimes don’t realize that emotional intensity doesn’t last forever. Elmore explains, "Frequent reminders that emotions rise suddenly but fade quickly won’t solve the problem instantly, but over time, children will learn that crying is temporary and won’t last forever."
5. Do not give in to crying as a way to stop it
Some parents or teachers may give in to a child’s crying by offering rewards just to make them stop. Rode warns, "It’s difficult to resist the urge to fix things immediately, but the more you reward unnecessary crying, the more you encourage it."
For example, if your child's teacher notices that they cry frequently out of frustration, instruct the teacher not to intervene immediately. This helps the child learn to manage emotions on their own rather than relying on crying as a tool to get attention.
6. Provide a safe space for crying
The presence of others can sometimes intensify or prolong a child’s crying. Elmore suggests, "If your child cries frequently, create a quiet, safe space where they can process their emotions in private."
7. Teach your child coping strategies
Children can learn techniques to control their emotions, such as deep breathing, positive self-talk (e.g., saying "I can do this"), taking a short break from an activity, or asking for help. If your child struggles with crying at school, encourage them to rest their head on their desk and count to ten before reacting. This can help them regain control.
8. Help your child find solutions
The most effective way to reduce unnecessary crying is to teach your child how to manage situations that trigger their emotions. Rode advises, "Instead of focusing on the act of crying itself, encourage your child to think of ways to handle the situations that cause them to cry."
Ask your child to identify what triggers their tears and discuss possible coping strategies. The key is to guide the conversation in a way that allows the child to come up with their own solution, rather than imposing a solution on them. Children are more likely to apply a strategy if they feel they discovered it themselves.
By following these strategies, you can help your child learn to understand, express, and regulate their emotions in a healthy way, setting them up for emotional resilience as they grow.
