SAEDNEWS: In this article, you will become more familiar with the most common mistakes parents make in their behavior toward teenagers.
According to Saednews, A teenager cannot have their hands tied or their feet chained. Their entire being is filled with a desire to fly. They want to soar. A room feels too small for them, their house feels smaller, their city even smaller—indeed, the world itself feels too small. They do not accept restrictions or control. I am talking about “teenagers.” In general, many teenagers do not get along with their families, and some parents do not know what the correct reaction is to the changes in their adolescents’ moods and behavior, or what they should do.
To better understand this stage of life, we spoke with Abdolhossein Torabian, a family counselor and expert, to become more familiar with the most common mistakes parents make when dealing with their teenagers. He believes adolescence is a “second birth,” and that many problems also arise in births. If a mother fails during the first birth, the child may face serious and perhaps irreversible problems in the future. In this second birth as well, the child separates from childhood and enters adolescence. If parents fail during this period, they may never be able to resolve the consequences.
The main reason many families struggle with their teenage children is a lack of understanding of the characteristics of adolescence. This lack of awareness leads parents to not accept that their child, upon entering adolescence, feels grown up and capable of making their own decisions.
If parents accept that some of their teenager’s new behaviors are natural for their age, their reactions will become rational and friendly. For example, if parents notice their teenager is drowsy and understand that the only issue is lack of sleep, they will avoid unnecessary arguments that disrupt both their own peace and their child’s. However, many parents become overly strict during this period, which can damage the relationship with their child. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) referred to this stage as a “time of consultation and companionship,” highlighting the importance of preserving adolescents’ self-esteem.
If parents want to guide their teenager, the first step is ensuring that communication is never cut off. If a warm and empathetic relationship is maintained, not only will the teenager’s personality remain intact, but they will also feel valued.
When a teenager feels understood and important, they will consult their parents in all problems, and parents can have greater influence over their behavior. When a teenager says, “My parents don’t understand me,” it means the relationship has been broken. Once communication is lost, adolescents may hide their behaviors, and risky actions may go unnoticed by parents.
Direct supervision does not work during adolescence. It is highly effective and necessary in the first two six-year stages of childhood, when children usually accept it without resistance. However, during adolescence (approximately ages 12 to 20), direct control is often rejected and can lead to strong negative reactions.
If teenagers cannot tolerate direct supervision, the issue lies in the parents’ approach. Adolescents feel that their personal boundaries are being violated, so negative reactions are natural.
Some families buy the most advanced technologies for their teenagers without having any understanding of their features or potential risks. For example, parents may provide the latest smartphones but have no idea what their child is doing with them.
In such cases, parents may later be forced to restrict phone usage, which creates new tensions and leads to further mistakes. Parents should at least be familiar with the devices they provide to their children and understand how they are used.
In some families, parents are not aligned in their parenting style. The father and mother do not behave consistently with their teenager. In such cases, the adolescent goes their own way while parents focus on their own issues.
The family becomes merely cohabitants rather than a cohesive unit. Instead of unity, the teenager becomes the center of disagreement. For example, one parent may forbid a behavior while the other insists on it, and the teenager ultimately does whatever they prefer.
This inconsistency prevents the teenager from feeling secure and may push them toward unhealthy peer groups. In contrast, when mutual respect exists within the family, adolescents feel safer, and risky behaviors are minimized.
