SAEDNEWS: Family members should understand that aggression, stubbornness, or intense disagreements during crises are not necessarily signs of deep-rooted family problems, but rather the brain’s natural response to an external threat.
According to the Psychology Service at Saed News, the world outside our homes is already full of stress-inducing news. We must not allow this external pressure to tear our families apart. When we feel fear or anxiety, we may unintentionally speak harshly to our spouse, children, or parents, or argue over minor issues. It’s important to learn how, in these difficult times, we can provide refuge for one another instead of judgment.
During natural disasters or wartime crises, a part of the brain called the amygdala, which processes fear and threats, becomes hyperactive. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for logic and impulse control, loses some of its functionality. Family members should recognize that aggression, stubbornness, or intense disagreements during these times are not necessarily signs of deep-seated family problems—they are normal brain responses to external threats.
Before starting any argument at home, check each other’s stress levels. If someone has received distressing news or is highly anxious, postpone discussions on contentious topics—a concept known in psychology as the time-out rule.
Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication method offers a framework to avoid judgment and blame in tense situations. His model has four steps that families can practice:
Observation: Instead of saying, “You always scare me with your words,” try: “When you play war news loudly at home…”
Feelings: “…I feel intense anxiety and insecurity.”
Needs: “…because I need calm and a sense of safety in our home.”
Request: “…Could you listen to the news with headphones from now on?”
This method helps family members focus on psychological needs rather than attacking each other’s character.
The Gottman Institute, a leading authority on couples therapy, identifies four destructive behaviors that external stress can bring into families: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (silence).
In times of war: During political or social disagreements within the family, start conversations gently—known as a soft start-up. For example, if a spouse or child reacts to the situation in a way you disagree with, avoid criticizing (“What a stupid way of thinking!”). Instead, validate their feelings: “I understand that you’re angry and scared by this, though I see the situation from a different perspective.” You can empathize with their emotions even if you disagree with their opinions.
During war, families often release external anger onto each other. Narrative Therapy, developed by Michael White, suggests separating the problem from the individual. Families can agree: “We are not against each other; we are both facing this external crisis.” When tension rises, a family member might remind everyone: “We are not angry at each other—we are both under outside pressure. Let’s not let it put us against one another.”
The American Psychological Association emphasizes that families should serve as a safe haven during collective trauma.
Setting boundaries for discussion: Families should agree on specific times—such as mealtimes or before bedtime—when talking about news, war, or disagreements is off-limits. These tension-free spaces are vital for psychological recovery.
Respecting different coping mechanisms: People respond to crises differently. One person may want to talk constantly, while another prefers silence or staying busy. Respecting these differences without labeling each other is key to empathy.
In summary: Stress during crises is like invisible shrapnel, targeting the mental well-being of family members. Recognizing that aggression in these times is a natural brain response to insecurity is the first step toward patience, understanding, and mutual support.
