Saed News: It is worth knowing that holding a child in the arms has a deep impact on their spirit and upbringing. Physical and emotional contact with the infant increases their appetite. The child’s mental, emotional, and cognitive development improves.
According to SAEDNEWS, quoting Behdasht News, one of the common beliefs among people is the feeling of a “clingy baby.” It has been seen that some children remain in their parents’ arms excessively from infancy, and even at an older age still enjoy being held and have a strong dependence on being in arms. This behavior continues until the age of 4 or 5, and after that it is usually not possible due to the physical condition and growth of children. However, the child’s dependency shows itself in another way.
A clingy child must be in the mother’s arms or around others all day, and as soon as they are put down, they start crying and screaming. But what can be done so that a child does not become clingy? Why should a child be held, and what exactly is called a clingy child? Children under two years old have developmental and emotional needs that, if properly addressed, prevent them from doing irrational behaviors in the future. One of these needs is being held and embraced.
Remember that holding a baby is one of their basic needs, and a child under two years old emotionally needs touch and physical contact with the mother during feeding, as well as caressing and kissing. The reason is that the entire skin surface is a sensitive organ that provides calmness.
When a baby under two years old cries, they need their mother’s arms for comfort, and the mother calms the child through skin contact. Of course, this does not mean that a child older than two years does not need to be held. Rather, until the age of four, being held in arms, in addition to comfort, also increases the child’s self-confidence.
Of course, babies cry a lot in the first three months of life because they want to show that they need you. In this situation, the only way to stop the baby’s crying is to immediately respond to their needs. Hold them and feed them, or if there is another problem, solve it quickly. The more you respond to their needs at this age, the more secure they will feel and the calmer they will be. In later months, the child gradually becomes more interested in the environment, and you can calm them by talking, singing, or playing with their hands.
Holding a baby before one year of age does not spoil the child. In fact, a child becomes spoiled when something they do not need is constantly given to them. A baby cries when we do not respond to their needs; crying is the only way they can communicate with you.
Never make the mistake that at this young age, under the excuse that the child will become spoiled and clingy, you should not hold them or respond to their crying. The child will feel insecure and lose trust in you and in themselves. It is interesting that not holding the child and leaving them to scream and cry gives the opposite result and makes the child spoiled. The reason is that the child has learned that for their demands they must cry, and unless they perform serious crying, no one responds to them.
Not holding the child and ignoring their crying creates a feeling of insecurity in them. Therefore, by the age of 8 to 9 months, when they recognize you as a separate person from themselves, they become stressed. For this reason, both their crying increases and their dependency and clinginess increase. They are afraid that you will leave and not return, because they are not sure about your presence and have not been fully satisfied with being held and have not felt security and calmness.
At 18 months of age, dependency takes another form. Many parents say that the child is very clingy and constantly wants them to be with them. You should know that this is completely natural, because from 18 to 21 months the child experiences anxiety, worry, and attachment toward parents, and this is part of their development. They constantly cling to the mother, want to be held, cry, and do not go to others’ arms. This attachment and anxiety of losing the mother is natural and must pass through this period. If this happens in adulthood, it is abnormal.
The reason a child becomes dependent on the mother or becomes clingy is that when the child cries and is restless, you should not always calm them only by holding them; this is exactly wrong. Because when this behavior is repeated, the child becomes conditioned. When parents immediately pick up the child as soon as they cry, this causes the problem. In this situation, the child becomes conditioned that whenever I cry, my mother holds me, and when they get used to this process, resistance from parents to hold the child leads to more intense crying.
The correct way is that parents should distinguish between different situations. When the child needs your affection, you should hold them. For example, a child who has fallen and is crying should be held. With this action, many psychological pressures that may occur in the future are prevented.
From 3 months of age onward, the child cries less; at this age they mostly try to express their needs to the mother through body movements and screaming. At night they sleep more easily, and from this point on the mother can understand from the type of crying whether the child is hungry, angry, needs affection, or wants to sleep. Now there is no need to immediately rush to the child. However, if the child’s screaming is truly due to pain or distress, it must be addressed quickly.
It is worth knowing that holding a child has deep effects on their spirit and upbringing. Physical and emotional contact with the infant increases their appetite. The child’s mental, emotional, and cognitive development improves. Children who are held more from birth to 2 years and whose need for being held is met have better speech and higher self-confidence.
Keep in mind that children are individuals with independent personalities; therefore, you should not expect all people to use the same solution. Parents should know that not all methods are effective for all children, or they may work for a while and then the child shows resistance. The best and most effective solutions are created by each parent based on their knowledge of their own child, personal creativity, and use of communication skills. Children are very easily influenced and can be excited with small actions.
For example, to encourage a child to walk, you can race with them, or if you are shopping in a mall, you can motivate them with the promise of escalator riding. It is enough to put energy into it and speak with excitement and proper tone so that the child follows you.
An important point is that you should not create duality in the child. If you only show affection and hold the child when you feel good, and leave them alone when you feel bad, the child will experience psychological confusion and instability.
Interestingly, the opinion of child psychologists and researchers is opposite to the general public. They say that the baby should be held. Not only during feeding, but in every possible opportunity it is good to hold the child. They believe the correct thing is to place the newborn on the mother’s chest so that they hear the mother’s heartbeat, and if the mother is not physically able, the father should do this.
Children do not have language ability, so they must cry. Accepting this helps you tolerate your child’s crying more easily. When your baby cries, show that you understand their crying. Whisper emotional sentences in their ear so they calm down. In most cases, the mother’s willpower and patience cause the child to stop crying and become calm.
During infant crying, mothers’ tolerance levels are different; you should be patient according to your own tolerance. Most parents even after one year of age do not allow their child to cry much and calm them quickly. In two situations it is recommended to allow the child to cry until they calm themselves: at bedtime and when you absolutely cannot calm them. Whenever you feel unable to calm your baby, the best thing is to entrust them to someone else.
Special attention should be paid to children who are fed with formula and do not breastfeed in the mother’s arms; these children need more being held, because they lose this opportunity due to bottle feeding. Some mothers also give the bottle while the baby is lying in bed or crib, but this is wrong. Formula-fed children should be held more and their need for chest contact should be compensated.
Sometimes mothers feel upset because the child is always disturbing them and they must constantly take care of them, and all responsibilities are 24 hours on them. But the more mothers reject the child and do not hold them, the more negative emotions the child shows and as a result cries and becomes more difficult.
In the first 3–4 months after birth, parents cannot manage time, and the pressure of crying, lack of emotional control, and full-time childcare puts them under stress and makes them see the child as an obstacle to progress, work, study, and all previous activities.
If the father does not take part of the responsibility in childcare and does not help the mother, she becomes highly pressured under the burden of responsibility. Mothers should know that just as the child’s safety and comfort are important, their own comfort and needs must also be considered, and if they are calm, the child will also be calm. In this situation, the mother no longer feels that the child is a burden.
Pay attention that this lack of time management and division of tasks will not have good consequences for your child. Consider that 90% of parents do not express these feelings and feel guilty about having such emotions toward their child.
These negative emotions and guilt cause them to compensate by giving more affection and holding the child more, then again they feel pressure and exhaustion and reject the child again, and again feel guilt and hold the child again… This cycle causes the child to also become confused and not know whether they are loved or rejected.
