According to the Family Magazine service of Saadnews, reconciling with a spouse after a major fight is not an easy task for anyone. Arguments and disagreements, especially with a spouse, are among the most tense events in life that everyone experiences, and they are inevitable.
10 Tips for Reconciliation with Your Spouse
In married life, there are moments when couples upset each other. All couples go through arguments and disagreements, which likely lead to a period of silence or a change in the dynamics of their relationship. When your spouse is upset or angry with you, you probably already know what behavior or mistake you made that caused their upset. You may prefer to stay silent and let things return to normal gradually, but studies have shown that directly addressing the issue is usually the best solution. Although this might initially lead to more arguments or turmoil, if you find the right time and approach for reconciliation, this process won’t be as difficult or painful.
To restore the previous happy relationship and life, reconciliation is needed. Here are practical strategies for reconciling after a fight. Use these tips to rebuild connections and avoid confrontational arguments.
If your mistake has caused harm to your spouse, try to understand the situation. They are very angry with you. In these moments, humor is not the way to reconcile, so don’t try to make light of it. Understand how deeply hurt they are. Respect their feelings and empathize with them. The only thing your spouse expects during a fight is to feel that their distress is understood, accepted, and acknowledged. They need you to acknowledge their hurt feelings. Hearing the phrase, “I understand what caused your anger and what mistake I made,” is very powerful. This will help them calm down and be more open to reconciliation.
If you want to reconcile with your spouse, you must be careful with your words. When you and your spouse are upset, you both become highly sensitive to each other’s words. Instead of using negative comments, try to speak with loving, affectionate words. Below are some phrases that can make things worse:
Perhaps the problem doesn’t seem that big to you, or you think your spouse is overreacting and shouldn’t have gotten upset. But for your spouse, this issue is important, and your role now is to comfort them, not to downplay the issue.
Don’t say: "I can’t solve this, you know how it is, and your upset!"
When you see your spouse upset or angry, don’t remain indifferent and say you can’t do anything. Look for solutions to the problem, or if you’ve made a mistake, accept it and try to fix it.
Just because you and your spouse have different views on the situation doesn’t mean your spouse is being unreasonable. Respect their perspective even if it differs from yours.
Silence and avoiding conversations won’t help resolve conflicts or reconcile with your spouse. Look for meaningful words and phrases to help you reconcile.
When you do something that hurts or upsets your spouse, it’s always best to take responsibility for your mistake and express regret. It’s important to acknowledge that you’ve hurt your spouse. Show your partner that you recognize your mistake and feel sorry about it. Don’t use words that make it seem like you’re apologizing out of pity or sympathy.
If you have a reasonable explanation for why you made the mistake, share it. However, if you know there’s no logical explanation, avoid making excuses. Making excuses is a form of evading responsibility for your mistake. For example, saying, "I shouldn’t have shouted at you, but I was really angry and stressed," is just an excuse. Excuses make your apology appear weak and selfish. Also, avoid blaming others for your mistake, as this will only weaken your own character.
Be sincere in your apology and efforts to reconcile. Honesty is one of the most important skills in a relationship. Accept the mistake you made and look for ways to make it right. Saying "Let’s reconcile" or "I’m sorry you’re upset" isn’t enough. Think carefully about what you can do to improve the situation. If you’re unsure, ask your spouse, “What can I do to make things right and reconcile with you?” This approach will help your spouse feel better. You can even write a letter to your spouse expressing your regret. Insincere apologies, symbolic gestures, and empty promises often do more harm than good.
When your partner is upset and blaming you for your mistake, avoid becoming defensive, even though it might be very difficult. By being flexible in your thinking and not responding with aggression, you can help ease the process of reconciliation with a proud spouse. Try to see the situation from their perspective. Increasing your acceptance of criticism can encourage your spouse to soften their stance and become calmer.
Frequent arguments in a marriage show that the partners haven’t learned from what happened before and haven’t worked on correcting their mistakes. Ongoing conflicts are very harmful to a relationship. Learn from your mistakes and your spouse’s mistakes to prevent them from recurring. Better understanding and empathy for your spouse can greatly improve the reconciliation process.
If you feel like your spouse has reconciled but is still upset, focus on addressing their underlying hurt. Simply reconciling is not enough; you need to resolve the distress as well. Conflicts that are left unresolved and pushed aside without resolution are not suitable for a healthy relationship. Therefore, as soon as you notice lingering distress, work to resolve it. Seeking help from a family counselor to address these issues can be very helpful.
A crucial step in reconciliation is rebuilding lost trust and faith. Trust is a priority in any marriage or relationship. Once trust is lost, rebuilding it can take time. Consistency, patience, and kindness pave the way for regaining trust. Honor your commitments and avoid taking advantage of your spouse’s trust.
If these ongoing conflicts and arguments are causing significant damage to your marriage, it might be a good idea to seek face-to-face psychological counseling or phone consultations. If you feel you can’t repair your relationship on your own and reconciliation is dragging on, seeking help and guidance from a counselor or psychologist is the best option. A counselor can help identify destructive patterns and teach you effective communication skills.
Ways to Reconcile with Your Spouse After an Argument
If you’re unsure how to reconcile with your spouse after a fight, there are many ways to apologize and make up. Here are a few ideas:
Try engaging in your spouse’s favorite hobby.
Buy a small gift or a single flower as a peace offering.
Cook your spouse’s favorite meal or take them out to a restaurant.
Use a trusted friend or family member as an intermediary.
Avoid separating beds during a fight—sleep together to help ease the tension.
Use loving words or a heartfelt letter to apologize and express regret.
A Word from Counselors
Arguments and reconciliations in marriage are unavoidable. No couple has avoided the experience of their spouse being upset with them. Naturally, we all seek a life free from arguments and distress. However, since each person is different, with varying thoughts, cultures, and needs, conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. What’s important is not letting small issues turn into resentment or major problems. Always apologize early and focus on reconciliation and comfort. Don’t let trivial matters ruin the sweetness of your life with your spouse.
