Today's children, due to their access to an abundance of resources and privileges, are gradually becoming spoiled. Join us in this article as we explore this issue concerning children.
The Importance of Parenting
Parenting is one of the most crucial responsibilities that families must take seriously. Raising and educating children within the family is a major investment that secures their future. Some families consider raising their children in an overindulgent manner as a privilege and take pride in it. They strive to fulfill all their children's needs and provide them with every material comfort. However, this is a significant mistake.
Misconceptions About Giving Everything to Children
Spoiling children is a danger that lurks in many households today. Many parents who want to be seen as modern believe they must fulfill even their children's most unrealistic desires. They are overly protective, ensuring their child never faces hardship or discomfort. A quick glance at social media reveals parents proudly displaying their children's most ordinary actions—playing, sleeping, crying, or walking—as if they are extraordinary achievements.
What’s more surprising is that these parents believe their excessive attention and indulgence make them exemplary parents. But what is the result of this parenting style? It leads to spoiled, weak, and emotionally fragile children who struggle to navigate life's difficulties. They either become dependent and incapable of handling challenges or develop a narcissistic personality, believing they are superior and unique compared to others. Such individuals struggle to form positive social connections and often suffer from poor interpersonal relationships.
The Difference Between Love and Overindulgence
There is a fine line between expressing love and excessively fulfilling children's needs. Parents should understand that there is no limit to the love they can show their children. The more love and attention they provide, the better the child's emotional health. A child who grows up feeling loved will have a stronger, healthier personality. Therefore, parents should give as much affection as possible because love alone does not make a child spoiled.
What spoils a child is excessive indulgence—never hearing "no," getting everything they want without limits, and being shielded from any difficulty or responsibility. A child who is never given age-appropriate tasks, never faces challenges, and never experiences consequences for their actions becomes spoiled. Such children grow up struggling with life and often face difficulties in adulthood.
Avoid Raising a Weak Generation
Many children today reach an age where they should be able to eat, dress, or tie their shoes independently, yet their parents continue doing these tasks for them. Parents overlook an essential psychological principle: for a child to develop properly, they must experience an optimal level of challenge and occasional setbacks. While too much hardship can harm a child, a controlled amount of difficulty is necessary for growth.
Children should learn that they must work for their desires and that not all wishes will be fulfilled. They need to take on responsibilities suited to their age. Overprotective parenting, which shields children from every minor difficulty, creates individuals who are emotionally weak, highly demanding, and ill-prepared for the real world.
Signs of a Spoiled Child
Expects others to do everything for them.
Has excessive demands.
Lacks gratitude.
Has many possessions but is never satisfied.
Cannot tolerate frustration.
Struggles with patience.
Refuses to admit mistakes.
Puts little effort into achieving their best.
Does not consider reciprocating kindness, whether at home or in society.
Jean Illsley Clarke, in her book How Much Is Enough?, outlines three primary ways parents spoil their children:
Excessive Giving
Providing children with more resources than they need without expecting them to contribute in any way contradicts the development of responsibility. Examples include:
Buying a brand-new gaming console for a 5-year-old who does not take care of their belongings.
Doing Too Much for Them
Performing tasks that children are capable of doing themselves prevents them from learning essential life skills. For example:
A mother hangs up her 5-year-old son's jacket even though he can reach the hook.
A father always pours water for his 4-year-old, despite the child having the strength to do it himself.
Setting No Expectations
Failing to hold children accountable for their actions and always rescuing them from consequences teaches them irresponsibility. Examples include:
A 10-year-old is responsible for taking out the trash, but when it’s cold, the father does it instead.
A 7-year-old begs to stay up late to watch a TV show, and the parent allows it despite knowing the child will be too tired for school the next day.
Parents can prevent overindulgence by embracing their role as guides. This helps children develop a healthy sense of self-worth and responsibility.
Balance in Affection
Parents should avoid excessive pampering. Overindulgence can lead to an entitled child who expects the world to cater to them. If their unrealistic expectations are unmet, they may develop feelings of resentment or inadequacy.
For example, some parents avoid giving their children responsibilities out of excessive love. I know a 32-year-old man who is still unemployed because his mother refuses to let him work, saying, "My son shouldn’t struggle!" Meanwhile, his elderly father continues working late into the night.
Being Firm
Being firm does not mean being harsh or unkind. It means having clear principles, setting rules, and enforcing them consistently. Parents who lack consistency in their parenting undermine their children's ability to respect boundaries.
Effective Use of Reward and Discipline
Encouragement and discipline are both necessary for raising responsible children. Many spoiled children have overly permissive parents who give in to every demand. In such families, there is little to no discipline.
Verbal abuse and physical punishment are harmful, but reasonable boundaries enhance a child’s self-esteem. Parents should combine unconditional love with structured expectations to instill a sense of responsibility.
Teaching Children to Accept Limits
Parents should be strategic in fulfilling their child's requests:
Grant one out of every three requests.
Postpone the second request.
Deny the third outright.
This teaches children that they will not always get what they want in life, helping them develop resilience. Otherwise, they may struggle emotionally when faced with failure or financial limitations in adulthood.
Assigning Responsibilities
Giving children age-appropriate responsibilities is crucial for their social and emotional development. Encouraging responsibility prepares them for future independence and helps them contribute meaningfully to their communities.
By fostering independence, resilience, and accountability, parents can raise well-rounded, capable individuals who thrive in life.
