Saed News: Why do children in kindergarten and preschool use swear words and offensive language, and how can we teach kids not to use unpleasant and hurtful words? In this article, learn about the reasons behind a five-year-old child using bad language and strategies to deal with it.
Why Do Kindergarten Children Use Bad Words?
Sometimes your child shouts an unpleasant or rude word out of frustration or anger because, like many of us, they run out of words to express their disappointment. Or perhaps their best friend recently expanded their vocabulary and thought it would be fun to share some choice words with them — the very words your child is now eagerly repeating at home. And since they have long learned to use the toilet, words related to the bathroom and poop can still make them laugh uncontrollably, so they repeat those words and giggle.
In almost every case, you are witnessing a thoughtful experiment from your preschooler: "This is something I heard people say, often with strong emotion or disgust. Let’s see what happens when I say it!" However, no matter where these words come from, it is never too early to teach that using them is unacceptable.
What to Do to Stop a Five-Year-Old Child from Using Bad Words
But how can we teach kids not to use unpleasant and offensive words? The following tips can help you stop your child’s swearing:
Keep a straight, calm face: When your child uses a curse word or talks about bodily functions, resist the urge to laugh. Otherwise, they will see your laughter as encouragement to do it again. At this age, making adults laugh or upset is extremely powerful for a child, and even if their new expressions are entertaining, showing that you find them funny benefits neither of you.
Offer alternatives: If your child is just trying out a new word to see how it feels, you can probably encourage them to replace it with a different, fun new word like “abracadabra” or “woohoo.” Or you can pick a silly, appropriate word with a similar rhythm and substitute it for the inappropriate one. If the problem is that they lack acceptable words to express anger or frustration, encourage them to say phrases like “I’m angry” or “I’m upset” out loud. Some parents invent funny nicknames at home, or at least try to offer less offensive substitutes.
Set limits: If your kindergartener has learned one or two serious swear words, you need to set clear rules. It’s important to do this calmly, without getting upset or angry. Otherwise, every time you get mad, you only teach them how easily they can get your attention. If the offensive word is made up, tell them it doesn’t exist and you don’t understand what they mean. For swear words likely learned from adults or other kids, don’t explain their meaning or why they’re unacceptable. Just say clearly and calmly: “This is a word you can’t use at home or in front of people.”
Teach toilet use naturally and calmly: If every time you help your child wash after using the bathroom you wrinkle your nose or whisper words about poop, don’t be surprised if they quickly realize that bodily functions and related words get attention. Remind yourself it’s perfectly normal for a child this age to be fascinated by their body, especially parts usually covered and all that comes out of them. If you don’t put too much emphasis on the “forbidden” nature of these words, they’re more likely to move past them. Reading fun picture books about bodily functions can also help remove the taboo and reduce their irresistible appeal.
Create consequences and punishments: If your child still doesn’t stop after one or two warnings, it’s time to use disciplinary tactics. Stay calm, respond quickly and firmly, and say: “That word will make you take a time-out.” You need to know enough about time-outs and how to use them effectively. A time-out can be anywhere, like the back seat of the car or a quiet corner of the mall. If time-outs alone don’t work, you might need to increase the penalty by taking away privileges—but do this consistently and without emotion. For example, say: “If you use that word, you can’t go play at Yarin’s house” or “You can’t watch the ‘Smart Mouse Story’ cartoon this afternoon.” At this point, consider why your child is so eager to challenge you — maybe the inappropriate words signal that something else is bothering them.
Don’t let swearing get them what they want: If your five-year-old uses bad words to get something, make sure they don’t get it. Saying “That wasn’t nice, but here’s your ice cream cone” is not enough.
Teach respect: Don’t let your child think it’s okay to call other kids even negative childish names. For example, ask them how they would feel if someone called them by that name. Swearing and overuse of bathroom-related words are not acceptable at school, playground, or friends’ houses. Explain that these words hurt others’ feelings and that it doesn’t matter if other kids use them — name-calling and swearing are not allowed. Your child is still learning empathy and may not always remember to think about others, but they still need to be reminded their actions affect people around them.
Watch your own language: There are different standards for adults and kids, but if your five-year-old hears you swearing casually in daily conversation, it will be much harder to convince them not to swear. If they copy what you say, admit that you shouldn’t have said it, agree to remove that word from your vocabulary, and then actually follow through on quitting that habit.
